HOW YOU GET THEM IS HOW YOU KEEP THEM






I don’t usually dispense relationship advice, but I’m not only a Certified Life Coach but certified in Relationship Counseling. After having my own bumps in the road I began to study and assess my own mistakes. Someone has got to have the answer. Some do. If you’re in a healthy relationship and the work it takes to maintain your relationship seems easy thank GOD up above. It doesn’t always happen like that.

We all have our issues. Women seek men that give them stability and support. While men look for a woman that makes them feel good about themselves. Did she or does she make him a priority? There are some things that men and women both want.

1.      Is this person affectionate? Do I feel loved and cared for with this person?

2.      Do we share the same values? You don’t have to agree for your moral compass to be in sync.

3.      Am I a priority? Everybody has family and other obligations, and responsibilities. Everyone can appreciate ambition. But would you allow your job to take priority over the person you’re in relationship with?

4.      Is this a person you genuinely like? Time is a precious commodity. Nothing more hurtful than being in love or in like with someone and no one likes them but you. Time to reassess the situation. And on those days that you may struggle it’s great to know you love being with this person, and if you could you wouldn’t change it.

5.      Last but not least; is this the person I see myself with now and in the future?




Nothing worse than investing yourself into a relationship that won’t work; what’s worse is when you’re in a relationship that’s toxic to you. You might even be with the perfect man. He’s everything on your checklist and more. This woman is ideal. She’s possesses all the qualities and attributes that you desire. And guess what? That person could still not be the right one for you.



Ever met someone beautiful, handsome, nice, great career; all the things you thought you wanted? And it did nothing for you. You weren’t even attracted to them. Met someone that had nothing on your checklist and you followed them around like a lost puppy? That’s life. The most important attribute a person can possess is SELF-LOVE.










I know too many people whose entire life is based on the opinions of someone else. If you truly love someone why would you make your persona, base your complete existence on them loving or not loving you? But that’s what so many do. I know men and women, particularly women that have made their marriage, their relationship their complete existence. It is a proven fact that first of all that is too much pressure on anyone. Secondly, every person wants someone that’s living their own life. It may be the very thing that attracts you to them. Ambition is not a dirty word. For women we’ve been taught not to be aggressive, don’t be a go-getter. Be the weaker sex. But your tenacity and taking the initiative maybe the very thing that draws him in.



I am taking care of a man that recently lost his wife of 67 years. Yes. I said 67 years. He’s driving himself crazy because he thought he would go before she did. He never imagined life without her. Married young and faithfully attending mass it was understood that he would pursue his career while she took care of the children and their home. As his daughter explains, she created a monster. There is no satisfying him. She made him her complete existence. He was her life. Her sole purpose was to take care of him and their children. The children understood that as their provider and protector his needs and wants ALWAYS came first.



I’m not saying he isn’t a lovely man, he is. Now that he doesn’t have that one person that’s only purpose was to serve him he’s lost. It’s only been a few months. I wouldn’t expect anyone to adjust in months after almost 7 decades. They were together a few years before getting married. Hopefully one day he can sleep without thinking about the empty side of the bed.



I’ve been reading a lot of articles about married celebrities. One celebrity is accused of cheating on their pregnant wife. Before you envision the long suffering wife please know that this was the mistress that became the wife. It is a proven fact that marrying the person you were having an affair with rarely happens. Remember an affair is fantasy, an escape. You’re not in the middle of having sex and saying, “Babe can you go check on the baby? Did you pay the bill? Man how are we going to get out of this situation?”



That’s the whole reason it’s easy to fall in love with the other woman, the other man. There is no reality. It’s difficult to continue that fantasy. If reality isn’t a mood breaker I don’t know what is. It’s not uncommon for infidelity to continue. Remember men seek validation and appreciation. A man falls in love based on how you make him feel about himself. If he hasn’t resolved these issues for himself he’s on a constant quest. It’s not unlike the widower I just told you about. Now that his wife isn’t here he’s having an identity crisis. She was the one that boasted his ego and gave his life purpose. That’s a rare gift that not many of us never experience.














Celebrity or not; we’re all not that much different. Believe me. I hear gossip all the time about celebrities. Unfortunately, there has to be some sliver of truth for it to be printed.





Use what you see and hear as a learning tool. Right now there’s a vicious rumor circling about a famous singer having herpes simplex 2; which is incurable. The first part of the rumor was that he just settled a lawsuit for millions of dollars due to allegedly giving a woman the virus. It got national attention because the court documents state that the singer admits to having the virus. People are speculating because of the timing. He is currently for all accounts happily married for the second time. Who knows when this took place? It could have happened before he got married. His ex-wife has been quick to tell everyone that she is not infected. Now fast forward and the headlines are that the singer is being sued by another woman for $10 million dollars. She insists that their sexual encounter took place in April of this year only to hook up again two weeks later. She obviously knew he was married, but had no problem being intimate until she read about the other lawsuit.



“the truth may hurt, but a lie can kill me.” Veela aka venus



Imagine you’ve got your chest all out because you pulled a celebrity. It’s been said a million times that what is done in the dark always comes to the light. You can bet your sweet ass it does. I look at those closest to me and I see how toxic their marriage is. I do remember that when they were first dating he was still married. He would talk incessantly about how terrible his wife was; only to find out that none of it was true. He made her the bad guy yet he ended up being the culprit. He is a miserable man whose toxicity is so damaging that he has no friends or family that want to bother. Misery continues to love company, but even the best martyr has their limit.



All the examples go back to my original point; this miserable man presented a façade that painted a completely different picture. He was charming, good looking, and had a successful career. All that went away. One day the truth showed up. His entire life was pretense. None of it was real. That’s the bad part about being a liar or should I say a pretender. No one can keep it up for too long. Even if you show up as a knight in shining armor; eventually the chinks in the armor begin to show. Turned out he was a closet drunk. There were countless jobs and opportunities that all went away. Always missing work after his weekend benders. The charming suitor was gone and the abusive mean drunk showed up. She could no longer hide the secret everyone knew. Now he’s completely isolated, not just mean but cruel. Can’t even invite anyone from outside to the house because he stays drunk; even when he’s not drinking he can’t quite sober up. The times of sobriety are few and far between. He no longer cares about his grooming or hygiene. All the things that won her over no longer matter. Truth is they never did. In his mind he’s conditioned her to think that there’s nothing better for her.



The grass is always greener in someone else’s yard. Celebrity or not, whatever you did that made that person love you; whatever you did that made the two of you fall in love has to continue. It’s easy to fall in love, but it takes work to make it last. Whether you’re in love for the first time or married for 50 years or more, it can last lifetime if you remember what you did to get there.




















Comments

  1. I know a male family member of the new bride and this idiot is a cheater. Texts, pics...the whole 9. This is the first time he was exposed. Dude nobody was checking for you when you were driving that '82 Mustang. Think about that. Niko knows she has a cheater. He needs to be less sloppy about it. At least be 5 years in before letting shyt seep. Just sayn. How embarrassing for this girl. Karma is real lol.

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    1. I found this comment on a blog referring to the celebrity who has been accused of cheating on his wife. Remember he was cheating on his former wife with you.

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