WHY BLACK WOMEN DON'T NEED TO BE BITTER BITCHES



I was the one that misspoke. I’m the one that didn’t know how good I had it. The grass seemed greener on the other side. It wasn’t. Every time I hear a black woman speaking disparagingly about a brother I cringe. It truly hurts my heart. Maybe it’s my own reality I speak of, but when did black men and women become so divided? We used to hold each other down. Now we barely lift each other up. It’s scary to me.

I’m told all the time that anyone other than black is my preference. Your Father was black. Your Mother was black. Why are you trying to escape who you are? A friend pointed out that we come in every color of the rainbow and we do. Look at your own family. I have some relatives that deliberately passed for white, and others that show the beauty of the night. Some people assume are of Hispanic heritage, and some no one could ever figure out their ethnicity. The self-hatred is rampant.

Yes, I said self-hatred. Many of us are so busy denying our blackness that we will acknowledge any part of our heritage but African American. Does it mean we come from slaves? Is the pain or embarrassment too much to deal with? When my Uncle was married to an Ethiopian woman she quickly told our family that we were so lucky to be marrying into her family. According to her history we were derived from slaves and she came from kings and queens. In other words, we were beneath her. Like everyone else I can rattle off my diverse racial make-up. When someone sees me they see a black woman. When I look in the mirror I see a black woman. Contrary to what society would have you believe; being black is not a choice it just is.

To deny your blackness is to deny who you are.

How can it be? How can you as a black woman hate the very thing you gave life to? Talk about screwing up your son. That would definitely do it. Black men are deadbeats. They are criminals. They hate black women. They are every bad thing you can think of. They are also role models, Fathers, brothers, sons, and every good thing you can name. I’ve met some wonder black men from all walks of life. Some were famous; others could be considered infamous.

A friend suggested that women need to assess their lapse in judgment. Not that we don’t know a good man when we see him, but we don’t always pick the best guy. My heart has been broken and yes he was black. He hurt me deeply and he lied. But I’ve had the ultimate joy too. Nobody has ever loved me or made me feel protected like that black man. He is the reason I have the most precious gift GOD ever gave, my daughter. You’ve never been loved until you’ve loved and been loved by a black man.

Some of the most in-depth conversations that have challenged my very soul have been with black men. They come in all shapes and sizes. Nothing is a bigger turn on then to see a well-groomed black man in a suit and tie. His stride and confidence is like no other. He has swag. There is nothing like a beautiful black man.

Before you utter anymore rhetoric about how you hate black men remember you gave birth to that greatness. Who knows? He might become President.

Comments

  1. Women could start by not referring to themselves as the 'B' word. The world is a women's oyster.
    To address the article - there is self hate but education of heritage and lineage with a little home-training goes a long way.
    Exceptional writing - Great blog!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. The self hate is complex. Black men might jave had HORRID mothers. They may have been treated badly by blk women. The same could be said for black women. All kinds of things happen to us that shape us that create who we are.

    ReplyDelete

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