FATHERLESS CHILDREN OR FOOLISH FATHERS: WHICH ONE IS IT?





What is the definition of assault with a deadly weapon? Maybe that’s taking it a bit too far. Maybe it’s just plain fraud. How many of us would lay down with this man if we knew the real story. We need the facts. First of all you should be practicing safe sex. In this day and age it is assault to knowingly have unprotected sex and risk a STD, HIV and unwanted pregnancy.

I have met some charming men, but how charmed would you be if you heard?

“Oh baby, I am a deadbeat dad.”

“Girl, I’m gonna get you pregnant tonight!”

“You see me now, but once I have sex with you or a child you’ll never see me again.”

“Okay look here. I’ve got 10 children and 7 different baby mamas. And if you play your cards right you could be number 8.”

I actually dated a guy who was younger and thought somehow this meant less baggage. Was I wrong! Damn man! What is your problem?! Every time I looked up there was another child or baby mama. This dummy thought because he lied or didn’t tell me that I wouldn’t catch on. He introduced me to one child and told me a sad story about another having died. Einstein had the nerve to introduce me to a young lady as some little girl he was helping out, mentoring. Turned out it was his daughter! Who the hell knows? Was he 10 when he had her? As time went on this one turned up pregnant, that one took him to court for support, and let’s not forget the court-ordered DNA test. Wait. I digress. There was also the young lady who supposedly had a miscarriage. And dumbass thought I wasn’t going to have a problem with the timeline or the fact that he did not divulge this information. He initially wanted me to think that he was unfairly being pressed for support.

Wow! I hope you recognize yourself. You need help!

I LOVED my Daddy, but he was a womanizer and in a short period of time had been married 4 times and had 3 different baby mamas. The only reason the last one didn’t have children was because she couldn’t. She was a piece of work. That’s a story for another time.

Daddy always said I had the best Mother. And I did. I think because he was ill-equipped to deal with his own life it was a given that he was unqualified to deal with ours. Looking at the overall picture I can see where it all went terribly wrong. My oldest brother (son from the first marriage) used his religious beliefs as an excuse to keep multiple women. And yes, he is the classic deadbeat dad. His first girlfriend and baby mama went to prison and he was left with custody of his two young girls. The horror stories they told me aren’t worth repeating. By the grace of GOD they weren’t put into the system, but they might have done better if they had been. The rest of the baby mamas and children are a blur. I will never know all my nieces and nephews. I have no clue how many or who their mothers are.

My youngest brother is doing 30 years in federal prison for being a drug dealer. That is the most heartbreaking. Yes, he had children, but did all he could to be there and take care of them. I know my brother got a heavy sentence because they made him the example. He was the one that was there for Daddy at the end of his life. He took care of him and was with him every day until he died. To me it’s not even a case of bad people doing bad things, but my sweet brother wanting so badly to provide for his family and even Daddy; he made a horrible decision. Not sure the punishment always fits the crime.

Daddy was right. I had the best Mother. I don’t put all the responsibility on my brothers for their decisions or their lot in life. My Dad never paid child support. But my Mother never required him to do so. I doubt if he paid support to my brothers. He would try to get us together during the summer to visit him, but Daddy was so delusional about his relationship with us.

As a young Mother I went through a period when I was angry at my Dad. Being a parent only magnified what was missing from my Dad. I resented the lack of parenting I received from him. Please understand that the first love affair a daughter has is with her Father. Not having the greatest example left me confused on how a man should treat me.

I love my Mother as anyone else, but I know that my brothers missed a lot. I’m not saying that their Mothers didn’t love them. No woman can teach a boy to be something that they’re not. A woman can be a loving and nurturing parent, but is incapable of teaching manhood. The vicious cycle continues.

You don’t even want to know how messed up my nieces are. There are so many issues unresolved. One of my nieces is still angry at me because she felt I should have taken her away from her parents. It is something I considered. My husband at the time was actually open to the idea. It was all too much.

I’ve had this conversation with my Mother and found that Dad had a strained relationship with Papa Dear. My Dad wanted to emulate his Father in every way. Papa Dear was a well-known minister and yes Daddy went into the ministry as well. The first time I saw my Daddy cry he was driving across country for his Father’s funeral. I was maybe all of 3 or 4. Daddy cried in the car for all the days it took to drive.

There were other issues that were my Father’s personal demons. But I look at the overall picture and see how our relationship with or lack thereof makes such an impact on our lives. I know my Daddy loved his children and was proud to be our Father. His Father was cold and distant with him because that’s what he knew. If you wanted comforting and coddling you went to your Mother. It didn’t come from him.

If my Dad had known better he would have done just that. After reading an article about this guy who fathered 22 children I had to say something. He had children by 10 different women. The state is paying $7,000.00 a month in support because he contributes nothing. When asked why so many children his answer was, “I love women.”

Love them a little less and love yourself. Love them enough to protect them against disease and unwanted pregnancy. Love your children enough to not bring more into the world. We have multiple generations of Fatherless children. Some men lack the skills to be anyone’s Father, but if you never had an example of what a Father is it’s hard to be one. In most cases we don’t have fatherless children just foolish ones.

DEADBEAT DAD



THE FACT IS.....We need you.



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