Showing posts from 2013


I was the one that misspoke. I’m the one that didn’t know how good I had it. The grass seemed greener on the other side. It wasn’t. Every time I hear a black woman speaking disparagingly about a brother I cringe. It truly hurts my heart. Maybe it’s my own reality I speak of, but when did black men and women become so divided? We used to hold each other down. Now we barely lift each other up. It’s scary to me.

I’m told all the time that anyone other than black is my preference. Your Father was black. Your Mother was black. Why are you trying to escape who you are? A friend pointed out that we come in every color of the rainbow and we do. Look at your own family. I have some relatives that deliberately passed for white, and others that show the beauty of the night. Some people assume are of Hispanic heritage, and some no one could ever figure out their ethnicity. The self-hatred is rampant.

Yes, I said self-hatred. Many of us are so busy denying our blackness that we will acknowled…


“All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renewed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king.” J.R.R. Tolkien

As a little girl of divorce my Mother and Father lived separate lives. My Mother was instrumental in keeping me and my Father connected. She sent me to spend the summers with Daddy. Believe me it was interesting to say the least.

As a single man and minister there were plenty of women lined up to date Daddy, or hopefully marry him. Understand that my own Mother was his second wife. He married a total of four times. Every time in between I saw first-hand women throwing themselves at him. It was funny. I’ve had women take me shopping, buy me jewelry, take me to dinner, keep me, attempt to be my “new best friend” all in an effort to get closer to my Father. There were …

Tell It To Venus Online Radio | BlogTalkRadio



Dear Venus:

I have been divorced for many years and have recently started dating a guy who is younger than my youngest child. I’m no spring chicken, but I take care of myself and younger men always approach me. I am attracted to younger men and like the attention. My ex-husband was older than me and never showed me much attention. We never had much romance and towards the end it became a sexless marriage. I later found out that he was seeing someone he worked with who was quite a bit younger than him.

I haven’t done a lot of dating since my divorce 5 years ago, but I was at a club with some friends and met my honey for the first time. When he came to our table I was surprised he asked me over my friends to dance. They’re all very attractive and most of my girlfriends are younger than me. I sometimes go out with my daughter and her friends. We have a lot of mutual friends. I wasn’t with my daughter the day I met him, but our mutual friends were quick to tell my daughter about my n…

Vulnerability is Strength

Whether in business or personal relationships; we are taught early on to mask our feelings. Never let them see you sweat. –Is the mantra and credo that we all adhere to in our daily lives. You would never reveal your true displeasure in the boardroom. When you see something that is morally opposed to all you believe in you say nothing.

I talk to my friends all the time about what’s really going on with them. Not the polite chit-chatter that we know by rote, but the inertia that is real life. Most stuff isn’t pretty and you can’t wrap it in a pretty box. It’s funny what people will tell you if you’re just willing to listen. I’ve heard some stories that will break your heart and others that made me laugh. Not because they were so funny, but the absurdity was so much that it was better to laugh than cry.

We go through life with blinders on pretending not to notice those who are hurting. How many times have you turned a blind-eye to those who were right in front of you? I’m not ta…


Foreclosures. Repossessions. Layoffs. Cutbacks. Work furloughs. Time off without pay. Job loss. Debt. Forced retirement. Loss of preventive services. Hunger. Local services lost. Military service cuts. These are some of the things that we will be experiencing because the budget has not been balanced. Federal budget cuts affect EVERYONE!

I have to be honest and say I hadn’t been worried about the budget until I had a conversation with a friend. Children, kids in college, being a single-parent; are only some of the things that my friend is responsible for with a one income family. What do you say to someone who is contemplating early retirement because they are forced to take a work furlough? Time off sounds great if you were being paid for the time off; when it’s forced you are already counting the money lost.

Most of us are oblivious to the effects on our lives. But when you have no warning and your co-workers are ill-prepared you have to take notice. Many of their co-workers ar…


What is the definition of assault with a deadly weapon? Maybe that’s taking it a bit too far. Maybe it’s just plain fraud. How many of us would lay down with this man if we knew the real story. We need the facts. First of all you should be practicing safe sex. In this day and age it is assault to knowingly have unprotected sex and risk a STD, HIV and unwanted pregnancy.

I have met some charming men, but how charmed would you be if you heard?

“Oh baby, I am a deadbeat dad.”

“Girl, I’m gonna get you pregnant tonight!”

“You see me now, but once I have sex with you or a child you’ll never see me again.”

“Okay look here. I’ve got 10 children and 7 different baby mamas. And if you play your cards right you could be number 8.”

I actually dated a guy who was younger and thought somehow this meant less baggage. Was I wrong! Damn man! What is your problem?! Every time I looked up there was another child or baby mama. This dummy thought because he lied or didn’t tell me that I wouldn’t…


Psalm 139:14 New International Version (NIV) 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I always use my birthday as a checking point. I assess where I am and where I’m going. Today is my day. It is a blessing to be here.

‘Millions didn't make it But I was one of the ones who did I'll tell everybody Millions didn't make it Yeah, I'm one of the ones who did’ –Marvin Winans

As a little girl I would run around the house with a sheet tied around my neck. I thought if I wished hard enough I would fly. Well, maybe not fly, but at least have all of Wonder Woman’s super powers and possibly the invisible plane. Only thing I didn’t like about her life was the fact she always had to save Steve. You know I would have quit him based on that alone. Lol

I look at my friend Vee (yeah, I know that’s my nickname) and I’m amazed. She is an example of the quality women I surround myself with. She’s happily…


I wasn’t going to say anything, but I feel my hand was forced. I keep hearing everyone say, “Who cares?” I care. Right now Jason Collins is one of the biggest stories in the United States. He is now one of the few openly gay NBA players and I doubt too many others will come forward.

Forget about the scriptures and what it says in the Bible. Forget about people’s hang-ups on homosexuality. Whatever your moral compass is or feeling that every person has a right to live their life; I take issue with exposing innocent people, or people unwittingly participating in a lie. That is what I have a problem with.

Periodically I use to do trade shows to supplement my income. Because I did a lot of work for a hat designer I in turn did quite a few hair shows. I was doing the Proud Lady Hair Show here in Chicago. The company I worked for was coming in from L.A. I had been friends with the owner a long time and we pretty much had this down to a routine. I knew my job. I always provided my own …


I’m no Tony Robbins, Iyanla Vanzant, nor is my name Oprah. I started blogging because it was cathartic for me. I’ve told too much, said too much. I’ve blogged about giving birth to my ill-fated experiences in relationships. I’ve talked about past experiences and struggling to find my way. I’ve shared my commentary on our society and the difficulty navigating as a Black woman, as a Black person, a woman, a mother, a parent, a daughter, a friend, just a human being trying to survive. As much as we are different I find we’re the same. Originally my hypothesis was that men and women were closer in our views than apart. After some time I’ve found this to be true.

We all want our basic needs met. We crave love, whether from family or the love of our life (something few of us find). I thought having the experience of being a Black woman would set me apart from so many. It amazes me that I have readers from India to China, and some remote areas I never knew existed.

I've been blessed…


I Peter 5:8-118 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

I have experienced and seen some things that I thought I wouldn’t survive. Everything that could go wrong has and then it got worse. I’ve always been taught that GOD doesn’t give us more than we can bear. Every trial is for two reasons: 1) For your good or 2) The glory of GOD. A friend spoke these prophetic words to me, “Veela, GOD has given you those broad shoulders to withstand whatever test the enemy comes with.”

Psalm 37:25 ………I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed…




Many years ago Terry and I were first time parents and couldn’t wait until our daughter could get into Christmas and participate in the Easter Pageants at church. Courtney spoke early so we thought nothing of her participating in the Easter Pageant. It was only two lines, but with her gift of gab we thought it would be no problem.

“Okay Courtney. Just repeat after Mommy.”

“Okay Mommy.”

“I just came to say. Have a happy Easter day!”

“I just came to say. Have a happy Easter day!” in her always excited 3 year old soon to be 4 voice.

“Yeah Courtney!” she learned it so quickly I thought my GOD she’s a genius!

When Terry heard the speech he was so impressed on how quickly she learned it he began to call all the family long-distance, Grandfather, Aunt Winnie, Mom, anybody who would listen. She said it perfectly every time. We got so excited that his Mother and I went and got Courtney the perfect Easter outfit, with all the accessories (hat, gloves, matching trench coat, and br…


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I have met and connected with people I would not otherwise meet all due to social media. I have had conversations with people all over the world! How cool is that? I have developed friendships that I truly cherish. There are some people I have met because of a commonality we share. Others I will be meeting this year because of business and personal crusades that we share. I have even had conversations with some people I’ve met online where it required me to quickly decipher what language they were writing and utilize Google Translator to continue the conversation. I treasure the friends I have gained through social media, and cherish those I’ve been able to continue with as a result.

I did however; have an incident occur today that surprised me. I proposed a question that I felt was innocent due to a hypothetical question posed to me by my daughter. We watched two Dutchmen conduct an experiment to simulate the type of pain women experience in childbirth. My question was as stated …