For years my guilty pleasure has been to watch Maury. I have seen some classic shows as a result.

“Maury, (they never say his name right) I am a 1000% sure that he is the father! Look Maury. See…look at his eyebrows, same eyebrows. And look at the hairline, same hairline.”

Maury: “Is there anyone else that could possibly the father?” “He was the only the person I slept with. And I am going to prove that he is the father!”

Of course the guy comes out saying there’s no way in hell that he’s the father and that she’s slept with all his friends and family. The woman always sounds so convinced that no one else could have fathered her child. After appearing on Maury for the 19th time she should have her doubts. I continue to watch the plight of Shenika. Hoping that this will be the time she finally finds her child’s father. After being humiliated time and time again; divulging her sorted sexual history; you’d think she’d be too embarrassed to even try.

I shouldn’t laugh at her misfortune or the crypt walk the guy does when Maury says those infamous words, “You are not the father.” With all the hype we forget that there is a son or daughter who is being deprived of the love and parenting that only a father gives. How do you not know who is the father of your child?

There are some well-known paternity cases that have been publicized through the media and internet. Many times the alleged is the father, but there are times when the allegations are completely false. That’s not what sells the story. We don’t hear an apology or get a retraction. Some of these women give all women a bad name. There are some gold-diggers that are very calculated in who impregnates them. It is no accident that the accused father is a well-known, well-paid, athlete, rapper, actor, or someone of prominence. As much as we know how to get pregnant we know even more about contraception. In this day and age accidents don’t happen that frequently. Even something as simple as a condom is 99% effective. Even with the 1% left to chance the possibility is slim to none.

I came across a book by M.L. Matthews entitled I AM NOT THE FATHER. In the book he reveals his personal experience with falsely being accused of paternity. Tragically the mother died in a car accident before it was revealed in court that he was not the father. The family had difficulty accepting that the beloved daughter had lied and gave them the impression that she was a virgin and Matthews was the only potential father. Without the truth the identity has died with her. Who knows or can speculate why she was adamant about Matthews being her child’s father.

According to some statistics there are approximately 1.6 million men paying child support for children that are not biologically theirs. Most states contend that any children conceived during the marriage are automatically the husband’s. With infidelity and other factors; that is impossible to assume. There is proposed legislation that would deem it a crime, “a fraud” punishable by law. Can you imagine how things would change if women were legally punished for this travesty that has become commonplace? There are men sitting in jail now for nonsupport. How many are even aware that their son or daughter is not their child?

Right is right. I can’t imagine being attached to a child and then finding out they are not my son or daughter. ‘Mama’s baby, daddy’s maybe.’ If you have nothing to hide there should be no problem submitting to a DNA or paternity test. So many accuse, but refuse. Why? Unless you already know the results as a mother you should want a test if the truth is on your side. I find it hard not to be suspicious.

We have men who sleep around and take no responsibility for their offspring, probably too many to count. These men are few and far between. Most men consider it a privilege to be a father and take the role very seriously. Sometimes I wish some of these women felt the same. The most disheartening part is the children are the biggest losers in this cruel game. Somehow they become forgotten when they should be the focus. Medical history, family history, and the love of a father; all the things a child misses when they don’t know the identity of their father. Before you create an elaborate lie think about the devastation you leave for your child, the biological father, the accused, and even yourself. Society has become so casual in our interactions. The problem is remnants are fatherless children with manipulative mothers who never figured out what triage would be left from declaring a senseless war. A war started out of selfishness not the selflessness required to be a Mother or a Father.


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