Are we monogamous by nature? Is it a misconception or a tradition we’re expected to practice? Lately I’m rethinking my ideas and understanding of a relationship. One thing is a constant; GOD has to be the foundation. As a woman we’re taught that marriage and sex go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other. You give your body only to your husband. To engage in sex or intimacy without the benefit of marriage is sacrilegious. It is a sin against self, a sin against your GOD.

What becomes confusing is the conflict with your heart, your beliefs, and even your body. If you think back to the first time you got those butterflies you were probably a child, maybe a teenager. It was overwhelming. You couldn’t articulate your feelings. For me personally, I remember being so into my first boyfriend that I didn’t know how to let go of it later in life. I did have an incident where I had this strange banter with a friend/business associate. To be perfectly honest, I was sure he hated my guts. He was forever challenging me. Um yeah….I think they call that sexual tension. It was so thick that you would have to cut it with a knife. The rest of the room disappeared when we were in each other’s presence. Looking back I think they waited with bated breath to see how we would response to each other. We had a casting call and he brought a female friend who was visiting. I had the strangest response….I felt awkward. I might even say jealous. I didn’t know it was showing until he called me on it later. An emotion I don’t normally display.

I don’t believe in “open relationships.” A relationship is a commitment made by two. Those of you committed to a relationship where the other person does whatever they damn well please need to understand YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP! It’s just that simple. I admire my friends that have made the commitment before GOD, before friends and family to their marriage. I have some friends that have been happily married for 20, 30 years. They don’t renew their vows every year like celebrities, but renew and rededicate themselves every morning, every day. Do they have temptations? Of course they do. Humanity is frail. As I’m getting older I’m learning that there will be many loves in your life. You will fall in and out of love many times over. You will even fall in and out of love with your spouse. The marriages that withstand the challenges are the ones that understand that we will love others. They don’t act on that love physically and violate their vows, but they stay committed. You don’t have to have a piece of paper to be committed to someone. Anyone can stay true when everything is right with the world. It’s the true test of love when you stay through the ebbs and waves of love. Love isn’t always pretty or perfect. When you’re fighting for survival it can get downright dirty.

I love my married male friends. They are part of my extended family. But I would never undermine or violate the trust they have with their wives. I don’t believe in disrespecting another woman. They know who I am and I’m not a secret. That’s how you do things honorably. There are people that have been in my life and a part of me will always be connected to them. It’s possible that in this life you will meet a soulmate who you won’t be with. I’m not referring to unrequited love, but a meeting of minds and hearts. That’s my definition of a soulmate.

Years ago I received a letter from my first boyfriend saying he would always love me. He had moved on and was married. I didn’t betray his confidence. I understood. He truly was my first kiss. We grew up in church together. Both our Fathers were ministers and good friends. Unfortunately his wife saw part of the letter and attacked me. I was so angry. She made what was precious and beautiful filthy. I lost a friendship that spanned decades. There wasn't a time we didn't know each other. We would have never acted on those feelings. They were the past. I was his first love even though he wasn’t mine.

Whatever your current status may you always know love. And may GOD bless you with the greatest romance that’s never been told.


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