As a P.K. (Preacher’s Kid) I use to look forward to the summer vacations with my Dad. I was always excited to spend time with him, but as I got older I realized there were things that I could get away with being with Daddy that Mommy would never tolerate. Most of this occurred during my teenage years. Daddy was so consumed with the church and the activities surrounding that he never knew exactly what I was doing with my friends.

Oh my GOD! The Baptist Convention was wild! I mean wild! We had classes and workshops we were suppose to attend while our Fathers were in meetings, but as soon as we could sneak back to the hotel pool we were ghost. Man that was fun. Everybody called themselves having a boyfriend or girlfriend. We weren’t the real action. Many of these Pastors attended the convention without their spouses. Or the wife would attend the last day or two. These men lost their minds. So did these “women of the church.” Just like the kids called themselves going together; the adults did too. We were having fun, but we weren’t completely oblivious. My Daddy was a hot commodity, seeing that he was single most of the years he attended. Daddy even tried to explain how he had two male ministers approach him about marrying them while at the convention. I had no understanding of what Daddy was telling me. It was a different world and a different time. If I remember correctly, the two men were married to women. I could name names, but some of the guilty parties are either still alive or their children have taken over their ministry. It is Sunday.

When my parents were still married there were women who pretended to be my Mother’s friend so they could maintain their closeness to my Father. He was a good looking preacher who hungered for the accolades and attention. It didn’t take much. My Mother lost several friendships when she learned her “friends” did in fact sleep with her minister husband. There was even a woman in the church that was married and got her husband to agree to this extramarital relationship. That I’ll never understand. Ultimately it was the demise of my parents’ marriage.

Years ago I heard a good friend speak on sex in the church. She took a lot of criticism for that, but it’s a conversation we need to have. We welcome and get excited for all the marriages that take place in the church, but no one gives us the instructions and guidelines, or even counseling to make the unions successful. First let’s stop pointing every eligible man and woman to the church to meet their potential mate. That’s not always the best idea. Some of the craziest, wildest, promiscuous people I’ve met are in the church. It’s a cover, their alter-ego. Trust me.

Some of you women are so concerned that your husband is not attending church with you. GOD can be the foundation of your marriage without being in regular attendance. Many times I find that men in the church who have a role use their limited authority to make up for feeling emasculated. We all know at least one Deacon or Trustee that fits this profile. Some of the freakiest men I’ve met have Apostle, Bishop, or Elder in front of their name. We hear these stories and read these controversial headlines as if we’re shocked. What secrets are you keeping within your church?

“Religion is for those who don’t want to go to hell. Spirituality is for those who’ve been to hell and don’t want to go back.” ~ Unknown

We need to be honest in our churches, outside our church, and in our relationships and marriages. Making a commitment before GOD doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage. Can we start to be honest about what’s going on? In the church or out of church, a woman needs to satisfy her husband in the bedroom to make him want to come home. Okay “Church Mothers” teach that class.

We need to look at the fact that homosexuality is prevalent in the church, the pulpit, the Deacon Board, the Trustee Board, in the choir, BTU, Sunday school and wherever else I forgot to mention. Men cheat and so do women whether they’re in the church or not. Pre-marital counseling doesn’t ensure that you won’t have infidelity or other issues in your relationship. We’ve been so dishonest about what it takes to make a successful marriage that many of you are afraid to go to the altar. There are successful marriages. People are still tying the knot, and there are people you know who have been blessed enough to have a long loving relationship. Some of you have happy marriages. Count it a blessing because being in relationship with GOD doesn’t ensure having a successful relationship. Faith doesn’t mean faithful. Here’s a hint; those who are quick to give advice don’t always have what you want. In some cases they want what you have. Those “church folks” who are quick to advise you to leave because your spouse doesn’t belong to your church probably don’t have any other life outside church. And who’s to say they aren’t vying for your time or your spouse’s time? People are always looking for a way in. Don’t give them one.


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