IS THAT YOUR SON OR YOUR MAN?



I’ve wanted to write this post for a long time. It doesn’t come from a place of vengeance, nor is it some type of vendetta. This comes from experience. I’ve dated more than my share of men who had an unhealthy attachment to their mothers. Well, maybe it was more like their mothers had the issue. I understand a mama’s boy, but this is something totally different. Think that scenario to the 10th power.

The first time I was in a situation where his mother demanded that he pick a side constantly. I mean literally she needed to feel that no matter what I did or who I was to him; she would ALWAYS be first. How could she not? For GOD sakes that’s his mother! I’m good, but I didn’t give birth to him. If I needed him (which was rare) she would always find some urgent situation that needed his immediate attention. We’ll leave that alone. I don’t want anyone to recognize who I’m talking about.

Second occasion, this woman pretended to be nice, but it was clear she didn’t want me around for the long haul. You’d think I’d learned my lesson the first time. When it looked like we were getting serious she panicked. I will never forget. He was a Consultant and traveled constantly. He needed to move his mother into his condo. He entrusted me with the task; as he did many things. The day of the move was a total nightmare. I came previous to the move to help her pack. Why did I offer? She wouldn’t allow me to touch a thing. Thanks to my play-sister; I was able to hire movers that moved her from a third floor apartment to his second floor condo. Mind you, she wasn’t prepared the day of the move; so they finished packing. And they did it at a reasonable cost. Even with the extra hours of packing. The apartment had been shared with another relative and some grandchildren. I had asked to bring in a cleaning crew. She wasn’t having it. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I fronted all the money for the move. I knew he would reimburse me, but still. But the icing on the cake was when we stopped at an office party for her and she sat in his lap like she was his girlfriend. I was so taken back that I never mentioned it to him. I couldn’t even respond.

Let’s fast forward to the third and more recent situation. GOD help me! I dated a younger guy. That’s not the worst of it. I should have listed maturity as a prerequisite. My intuition was saying no, but against my better judgment I became involved with him. I had talked to her over the phone. She was more than nice. After finding out all the dirt he was doing it’s a wonder she kept my name (our names) straight. lol Well, it was time for a visit. I’m finally going to meet this charming lady. He had an apartment (the one I knew about) that she stayed at the first day or two. He had a roommate, but there was a couch. Where do you think she slept? Do you think he might have slept on the couch and offer her the bed? No, why would you think that? When I figured out that this grown man slept in the same full-sized bed as his mother it crept me out. It just seemed strange and inappropriate. Maybe I’m wrong, but it didn’t look right to me. He had me chauffeuring her around for two days. And it was Jesus this and Jesus that; knowing full well that he had this other relationship going and how many others. She’s telling me stories about him to give me some insight into her son so we can be closer. When he got caught and I confronted him she didn’t want to hear a word, and told me so. Ain’t that nothing?

Moral of the story: There is nothing wrong with being a mama’s boy or even being close to your mother, but it steps over the line when she is dealing with you like she’s your woman. When these divorced and single women find a man to date it is unnecessary and a little sick to brag to your date about little Junior being your man. Who wants to be put in that situation? And mothers it would help if you would tell Junior when he’s wrong. Don’t allow him to disrespect women. He may respect you, but you haven’t taught him well. Thanks to you Junior could easily wind up in jail being somebody’s b**ch. Right now Junior thinks he’s GOD’s gift to the world and he can do no wrong. His chances of having a healthy relationship with someone other than you are null and void. He’s not friends with other men. He chooses to only interact with his boys. Boys who believe that women are to be used and not appreciated for the Queens they are.

“A real man treats his woman like a Princess because he was raised by a Queen.” ~ Unknown

I CAN'T STAND YOUR MOTHER by Lucy Pearl


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