MY BROTHER NEEDS HIS MOTHER




GOD! I hope he doesn’t read this. I have a play-brother that I think the world of. He is kind, considerate, brilliant, and even handsome. All the things you want your brother to be. He is a good Father, and many more things that I can’t say without giving his identity away. All these attributes, but there is something broken; something deep inside. In the silence and in the quiet; you can hear it. A heart that is irrevocably broken. Not by disappoint, not even by a woman, but by his Mother.

I don’t know the entire story, but I can’t divulge the pieces I know. I know that his late Father was his role model and has made him into the man he is. But I can’t discount his Mother and the way she raised him. Talk about a class act. He is all that. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. I feel so close to him that when I saw the missing pieces I offered to share my Mommy. Hey, that ain’t easy for an only child. (I know. My Father had other children, but my Mother didn’t.) Lol I call him my brother from another Mother. The dissension has led to a great divide in their family. I’ve never seen anything like it. Christmas, holidays, nothing is put aside.

I have always contended that it takes a Father to raise a son, but what are the affects when you don’t have the nurturing of your Mother? Or what if it stops at a certain age? Or in adulthood? What happens? I’ll tell you what I’ve observed. I see a man diligently struggling for his Mother’s approval. He would never admit it, but it’s true. I am the only woman besides my Mother that he trusts. Hard to have a relationship or do business if you don’t trust. He would love to be in a relationship, but he needs some mending first. His Mother could make it all better, but she continues to be cold and unfeeling. Her new husband has this Svengali effect on her. Who would imagine that this extremely educated and intelligent woman would be so easily influenced?

I’ve watched women promise my brother the world and he is completely unaffected. I mean nada. Women have flown him around the world on the premise of wanting to do business. The agenda quickly changes. I admire the fact that he is not easily swayed. Why does this man have more respect for these women than they do for themselves? Okay here comes the elephant in the room. Even though he has dated women of color (his ex-wife); he prefers everything, but black women. Don’t you get it?! The one woman that he needed most has rejected him; his Mother! She just happens to be black. Now do you get it?! I know this is speculation, but there is a correlation between the two. It’s a proven fact that men seek women that possess the qualities of their mothers. I’ve never heard a man say he didn’t want someone like his Mother; unless she was just no good.

I feel bad for my brother. She has scarred him for life. He just wants to be loved like everybody else, but it seems a daunting task. I believe you love who you love, but now you have a brother who is avoiding black women like the plague; whether he realizes it or not. Mothers you can raise a nation, or destroy it with your arrogance.


ANYONE WHO HAD A HEART by Luther Vandross

Comments

  1. I was so blessed by this evocative piece and the connotations it holds for all of us (men) who are so blessed to "STILL" have mothers alive who we can shower our love on... But sadly, there always a B-side!!!

    As an adjunct, please permit me to cite a very personal family issue which involves one of my brothers who now lives in Georgia...

    It has been almost 20 (TWENTY*) years that my younger brother has not spoken to his mother or deceased father. The lasts words he spoke in my ears on the phone in 2009 was and I quote: "As far as I am concerned, I have no parents - they are "DEAD" as far as I care"...

    Forget my reactions and emotional perturbations I suffered that moment - that's a topic for another day but I recognized that the prophecy in Malachi 4:5-6 had to come to pass - for unless God sends back the "spirit of Elijah" to restore the hearts of the fathers to the children and the heart of the children to the fathers - the "LORD" will strike the earth with a curse: if HE* hasn't already done so...

    The final part of my little story is this:

    18 years ago, I made up my mind to re-establish a relationship with my DAD* who at the time still lived in England. We had been estranged for too long. The Holy Spirit moved on my heart to do the right thing and I was willing to do whatever it took…

    I decided to "up sticks" and move half-way around the world with a family in "hunt" of the elusive "bard" called George M. Blackett (my dear old Dad)... Somehow I kept asking myself - what was the worst that could happen?

    Well, I finally lost my DAD* in 2004 after a long battle with kidney disease (had he taken my extra kidney which I offered - WHO KNOWS?)...

    What I am grateful for was the 7 good years God gave us to mend that dilapidated "bridge over trouble water"... As his 1st born, how could I besmirch my right to the “firstborn blessings” and to the covenant God wanted to establish through me…

    Due to obedience, I avoided the "curse" which now plagues my dear brother's house who blatantly refuses to concede or to humble in any respect...

    What I have learnt is that no one can force "LOVE" but be always willing to give it (especially to our parents) and to others God places in our lives (even when that love is not fully recognized or appreciated)...

    None of us can reach up any higher or stoop any lower than JESUS* - so to "GIVE" pure, unconditional "LOVE" is a rite of passage into a life of restful freedom...

    Final thought!

    When our "LOVED" ones are going down the wrong road (almost willfully and spitefully refusing to abort)- "PRAY FOR AN EARTHQUAKE" to shake the foundations of their so-called fruitful world (lives which "DEBARS" the love of those closest to them) and do not be "AFRAID" to ask God to do the "hard thing" that will awaken them from being asleep at the wheel...

    If "POWERFUL PRAYER" cannot bring change to a person's heart - then all we can do is "RESIGN" and leave circumstances to the LORD* and just move on painfully until you can cast that weight aside)...

    Again - let me reiterate my focal point - "WE CANNOT FORCE "ANYONE" TO LOVE US"...

    Remember, love is always about us and what we must give - more than it is about the other person and what they refuse to accept...

    The words of JESUS* is a good place to end here: when told by one of His disciples that His mother & brothers were on the outside seeking Him...

    His remark must be the memorial of all of our hearts if we are to put even our dearest relationships into perspective:

    "My mother and brethren are “THOSE” who do My will"...

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