CAN A MAN RAISE A GIRL TO BE A WOMAN?
Okay, so I wasn’t the first nor will I be the last to assess that Mothers don’t necessarily make men. Don’t shoot the messenger! Disagree with me if you like, but I told the truth. It’s commonsense. We can statistically look at what has transpired as a result of single-parent homes (headed by women), and it’s not good. But I was looking at my blog and I realized that of all the topics I’ve covered; the one entitled CAN A WOMAN RAISE A BOY TO BE A MAN; was the most read. What does this say about our society and our concerns, and issues? We all want relationships, and we want to be heard, but our biggest concern is our children.
When I divorced I never once thought about my ex-husband having custody. I felt guilty enough taking my daughter out of the home, but I never seriously considered her Father being the custodial parent. Was it out of the question? No. But I couldn’t be without my daughter. I think I needed her more than she needed Mommy. I was completely broken and devastated by my divorce. So was her Father. We were both products of divorce and never considered the possibility when we took our vows. Now people get married and consider divorce an exit strategy. That’s a rather sad commentary on where we are as a society.
Growing up I had the most interesting dynamic with my parents. I lived with my Mother, but spent my summers with my Father. My Dad was a Baptist minister in Southern Illinois. His Father was a minister and that’s all he ever wanted to be. He just wanted to be like Papa Dear. Papa Dear was a phenomenal preacher, but an even more outstanding man. He was a man’s man. Fishing, hunting, farming, that was a typical day for my Grandfather. When he died I can remember the church being so crowded that people were lined outside of the church just to pay their respects. Could my Father have handled raising me full-time? I don’t think so, but remember the relationship a daughter has with her Father can dictate her whole life.
The first love affair a girl has is with her Father. He is her example of what a man is. How a man loves and protects her. If a girl doesn’t have that she finds herself searching for it all her life. Don’t get me wrong. I love/loved my Daddy. I miss him today. When he died I thought my heart would break. As hard as my Mother tried; she couldn’t create the relationship she wanted for me. I was crazy about my Daddy. I can remember telling him at seven that I was going to be a preacher and a movie star. I, like my Father wanted to be my Father. As much as I admired my Mother; I admired him too. My Father had demons and issues that prevented him from being the Father he could have been. This sounds heart-breaking, but I remember my Dad telling me I didn’t need him as much as my brothers (same Father different Mothers) because I had the best Mother of the three. No offense, but it was true. Where they ended up even now says a lot about how differently we were raised.
I use to be jealous of the relationship Courtney had with her Father. She believes he walks on water, and I will never tell her differently. The saga continues. My Mother sent me to spend summers with my Dad and I did the same. Courtney has spent Christmas with her Father since she was six years old. She adores him and he adores her. They have their family traditions. Terry never decorates the tree until Courtney is there. They go shopping together. He has always bought her school clothes. And yes, he has even gone bra shopping. He had one sister and knew how to comb Courtney’s hair. He insisted that she match and iron her clothes early on. Daddy knows how to take care of Coco La Rue. They are so into each other that when my Mother remarried Terry took pictures of the wedding and each one was of Courtney. lol I think that my Godfather was right. He taught me that your relationship with your earthly Father mirrors your relationship with your Heavenly FATHER. “No good thing will I withhold from you.”
If I had had the support and love that Terry shows Courtney; I’m convinced that I’d be a lot further in life. She has no limits. Her Father has convinced her that she is extraordinary and can accomplish ANYTHING!! And she can. I met someone recently that made me ponder this question. He is so in love with his children and his twin daughters are so proud to even be in his presence. The superficial stuff doesn’t matter. But who better to explain sex to a girl than her Father. Dressing and all that womanly stuff? Who better to teach you and guide you? A man knows what looks good on a woman. Ever need to dress for a special occasion; take your husband, man, Father. He’ll certainly tell you the truth. I use to go shopping with my stepfather and we had a ball. It was a bonding experience. I may surprise you, but I believe Terry could have raised Courtney to be a wonderful young woman. He has already done just that.
BUTTERFLY KISSES by Bob Carlisle