Okay so I just got called out. Alright you asked for it so you got it!! Hell yes there is something wrong when my brother feels I can’t love him. You asked for it. I was visiting a good friend and I witnessed her completely emasculate her husband right in front of me. She might as well have had a scalpel. ‘Cause he got circumcised that day! He was sooo damn embarrassed that he said nothing.

Fast forward three (3) years and he was gone! Was I surprised by the divorce? Who would have been? We sing the songs; we talk the talk, but it doesn’t happen. “Let me cater to you. ‘Cause baby this is your day. Do anything for my man. Baby you blow me away.” I think most black men would fall out if it happened. lol

Damn, this is not easy to write! What do you want baby? Do I need to truly cater to you? Do I need to have the house clean when you come home? Do I need your dinner cooked when you come from work? Do I need to give you some lovin’ when and how you like it? Maybe I need to do it all. I guess you just need to be loved.

Okay so I didn’t have the house clean. I didn’t cook dinner. And we both know we haven’t made love in a long time. So you left me. Okay she does everything you were missing at home. Somehow she’s learned to be submissive. And you like it. How could you not?

Not to stereotype, but she treats you like the King you are. I can’t compete with that. I was so busy learning how to be independent that I forgot that you were the head of household. It’s the natural order of things. She holds you in the highest esteem. You’re her man.

So I can’t fault you. She knows how to keep you coming. Every pun intended. She not only takes care of you, but she takes care of herself to keep you interested. There’s no shame in her game.

What does it take for you to come home? When she’s giving you everything you want and more it’s hard to compete.


  1. LOVE IT! My current sweetheart got me with "You are soooo sexy!" I'm was 47 years and have never been told I'm sexy. I cried it felt so damn good. I've been told I am cute, handsome, smart, witty, etc... but "SEXY" never why? My children's mother (a black woman) felt if she gave me compliments it would go to my head and I'd run off. There was nothing I could do right for her to be a good enough man for her. She's been married three times since I left. I cook, clean, love with every everything I got and I expect the same thing back. I am her dragon slayer and ready for battle. She does not to be a queen to be treated like one. I treat her like a queen and she in turns makes me feels like a champion. Sometimes "we" are just not the right person for the person in our lives. White, black or other. Maybe if black women would stop looking as us as black men and "just men" things might be easier.

  2. Is there a classroom for women on relationships taught by men? If so, I'd be one of the 1st to sign up.@Forrest I think you could easily teach it.

  3. Good points, but let me say that it isn't a Black women/other women issue. Some women are just hard headed with some mean. And some women are just pleasers with some men. I think it comes down to how much a persn cares for, respects, and actually LIKES the person s/he is with.

  4. We as man should be able to give ourself what we need in order for anyone to give us what we need..any man or woman who cannot accept anyone who treats them like a King or Queen is obviously isnt complete within themselves..but who is? Its not a black woman issue.. its really more of a whats in it for me issue.. Im not speaking about all men and women however some of us are too damn greedy and selfish nor appreciate ish. If you out dating out of the race because of what few black women didnt do then you basically just looking for acceptance rather than thinking that maybe its the type of women you go for. Im not against interracial dating I knew men who had wives or girlfriends who catered to them and they jacked around ..and as of today karma is whooping there ass. Its and individual self issue

  5. OMG, I had a adrenaline rush as i read it, Profoundly & clearly written, DEEP! Hadasa

  6. Well oh well.......That would be my DRAGON SLAYER SPEAKING....Thanks babe for being who you are and for loving me for who I am. I think the experiences we've been through have made us the wonderful people we are at this very moment. I use to wish those things never happened to me, but it only made me stronger as a person,and spiritually with my GOD!

  7. If you changed one second @Summer Rain I may have not met you. How would I have known to SLAY the DRAGON? The cool thing is I'm better with you than apart. We defeated the DRAGON together.

  8. Thank you, Veela for posting this. Knowledge is power and the best way to fight an issue is to listen and understand what we, Black Men are saying. Listen and Silent has the same letters! 85-90% of black men that cheat will tell you that it is not because of beauty or sex. The "Other Women" is submissive. She feeds the male ego. Its biblical! Its God's order. And until Black Women get that, there will always be disloyalty! He ain't getting it at home. Do I condone that? Absolutely not! But, as a man, I understand it. "Speak life" to your man!

  9. Natalie TheGenuineTruthSeptember 14, 2011 at 9:24 PM

    I agree with the comments about how a black man would like to be treated and I've done that. I agree with being submissive and I've done that but the reality is these days many black men (not all) don't know how to treat s decent woman because there are too many women offering anything any everything. The decision to date outside their race to me has nothing to do with black women but more to do with options and ego in alot of cases. In some cases I think black men are more respectful toward women of other races therefore they are treated differently in return.

  10. I really don't think its about other races,its black races!Other cultures start young in there teachings about man and women,blacks learn as we live!We were taught to go against each other instead of help(divide and conquer)The black man looks for the black women for strength,not weakness(being submissive is not weak)Its about knowing your role in any relationship.Black women don't recognize there strength as a gift,instead use it as a weapon to degrade the black man!I don't need a man for nothing but sperm is what's said.If you are not willing to do what GOD intended you to do,why have a child by someone you don't need?When the black woman regains her respect for the black MAN,she will understand why she is part of the problem,not the solution!The other races of women see the gap and act on it,someone else garbage is someone else gold!Black WOMAN,PLEASE take responsibility for what you create in the eye of GOD!(This means you....mothers,wife's,sisters,daughters!)These days you get treated how you act like a Queen and believe in your black MAN,he will grow to treat you the way you deserve to be treated!!!!

  11. Hmmm…..interesting read Vee!

    Now you know I love your column; however, in this instance, I have to respectfully disagree. I see a myriad of articles such as this talking about how and what women need to do to PLEASE their (or her man) as if man is some GIFT to woman. Well, I beg to differ as WOMAN, in actuality, is a GIFT to man; remember, “she was presented to man”…..not the other way around. Thus, it is he who is responsible for even ensuring that the relationship works……not vice versa. TAKE CARE OF THE GIFT (woman) as if YOUR (man) life depends on it!!!! In essence, if “he” is NOT getting what he thinks he needs at home, perhaps he needs to evaluate why!

    You cannot have MRS. BEAVER without MR. BEAVER….as my sister / friend so eloquently stated.

    I find that some men (like women) want from their partners what they themselves are NOT willing to reciprocate!

    If the man wants to be made to feel like a KING then it is ONLY appropriate that he makes the woman in his life be made to feel like a QUEEN! …and eff the excuses, “he didn’t have a role model”; “it just isn’t in him”; “men just aren’t wired that way”; “a man’s gonna be a man”…...we live in a world of INFORMATION…..RESEARCH and found out how to make what you have at home WORK….better yet, ASK, and when you do….LISTEN! Let’s stop enabling men to exercise excuses to go find the 30% that he THINKS he lacks when in fact, he’s been getting 70% (the most) allll along (while he gives ZERO)!!!!!!!

    While I absolutely love me some Beyoncé and most of her “sexy” songs / lyrics, again……being ‘catered to’ goes BOTH ways. Sooooo, while the woman is expending allll the necessary energy catering to "her man", making him feel like a KING, cooking, cleaning, handling the bills and the kids, and just his all around, every beck and call girl, “doing it like it’s [her] profession” (Beyoncé lyrics - hahaha!!) WHO is handling HER needs???

    1. @Vee Daniels reciprocity is a wonderful thing. You made some excellent points. I wrote this after having a conversation with one of my male friends. If you notice I really am speaking from his perspective. I said the things he wanted to say, but didn't for fear of being chastised. I hope you saw this beyond me. I pride myself on being able to see the male and female perspective. Are your ideas closer to what I personally hold true? Yes. Without a doubt. Thank you for writing such a thought provoking analysis. Well thought out and well written. ( The other Vee) lol

    2. Oh absolutely Vee! Haha!! I completely saw this "beyond you"!

      As a matter of fact, I do recall reading this and your reasons why. See, this is what I LOVE about YOU....not being afraid to understand all parties involved.

      However, this was my perspective.

      Moreover, my guess is that if Men / Women learn to courageously and properly communicate their needs....minus the selfishness....FEAR would probably dissipate!

      Love you much my sister, Vee!


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