WHAT THE HELL?! I HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF GETTING HIT BY A BUS THAN GETTING MARRIED?!

I read this statistic sometime ago and was appalled that my future as a black woman was so bleak. Wow, there goes my optimism. lol I’ve held ever title there is; daughter, girlfriend, finance’, wife, mother, mistress, wifey, ex-wife, sweetheart, lover, ex-lover and then some. Why has the title of “wife” eluded me?

Here are some of the top reasons that have been given as to why black women don’t marry.

1.As a product of a divorce I am more likely to divorce too.

2.I am least likely to re-marry after divorce.

3.Only 30% of black women will marry after the age of 30.

4.Unemployment

5.AIDs Crisis (How many women have been married to or involved with men who are secretly gay?)

6.Small pool of marriageable black men.

7.Few places to meet eligible black men. (Has the church contributed to this perpetual crisis? When’s the last time your girlfriend told you she met her “man” at church?)

8.1 in 5 black men will marry outside their race.

9.More women are delaying marriage and children to complete their education, and compete in the corporate world.

10.40 % of black women are single and head of household.

11.45% of all black women have never been married.

12.Many black women are in common law marriages. (If you don’t make it legal, does it mean you’re not married?)

I’m sure many of you could add to the list, but hell I want to be married again. I’ve been the supportive wife and the supportive partner and have nothing to show for it. I don’t want to settle, but how do we fix an epidemic that is destroying the black family? There are so many relationship books out there, but not one is providing a definitive answer. Young or old, or in between we are not getting married. Why? How many times has a sister met a man and saw his potential? We’ve all done it. Put our dreams and aspirations on hold to support our “man”. Not that we were looking for a payoff, but never considered it wouldn’t work out or that you wouldn’t eventually get married. You can thank me now. I’m the one who taught him how to be affectionate and not wait to say, I LOVE you. I’m also the one that struggled and scraped with him to have something; to build something for himself. See I’m the sister that saw his potential and LOVED him through his flaws and all. I taught him how to LOVE. How to be your best friend, and even how to be a better Father to your children than his Father was to him. I had his back.

Hey ex-LOVE,

I hope this finds you well. I hope you’re a better man for knowing me. I LOVED you unconditionally, but you weren’t ready. You weren’t mature enough nor were you honest about what you were looking for. Remember the time I taught you to cook your favorite meal? Damn we laughed. But you also made me cry. You broke my heart. I bet all those things I said would happen for you did.

One thing I wish for all my girlfriends and even my daughter is that they NEVER meet you, and sell themselves short. If all you wanted to do was go to bed you should have said so. Then I could have made a choice. That’s a part of myself I can never get back.

Signed,
Your Old LOVE

Comments

  1. Royal Jackson says : ‎@Vee, woman have made the choice of raising these men alone, by driving the man away, an breeding with the wrong man.men have walked completely away. It is no way his fault why he is what he is not...All I know it takes some strong courage...so strength is not lacking here.He's stronger than those weak azz men that walked out his life....maybe this will bring our men home when they see the damage we have caused....

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmmmm...

    The stats are one sided. What is the marriage rate of so-called marriageable Black men? I know sisters who'd seriously call a brother making less than a certain amount a throw-away. Even moreso if he gets dirty bringing home that bacon. Not saying that's you, just speaking from experience. 90% of the women want the same 10% of the men.

    I'm not trying to work out the meaning of life. Just my own life and what works well for me.

    I don't look at what others are saying and certainly not what others are doing unless it is something I want to emulate or it negatively impacts me so stats aren't high on my priority list.

    What is high is finding what works for me. Maybe one day I will seek marriage again but for now I'm focusing on me. Working to improve me, daily.

    As long as I am successful at improving this product, I know the offering is desirable and so, I won't worry about finding [or avoiding] my next wife.

    Ask, pray and lament all we may, it's in The Creator's hands anyway.

    ReplyDelete

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