Dear Court (Courtney):
Where should I start? There’s so much I want to say to you. First let me say that I’m really proud of the woman you are. You’re not my baby, but you’ll always be my baby. Okay so out of 23 years we’ve only had a few disagreements. They were BIG, but only a few. Remember that time we had that argument about Kurtis and you call yourself telling on me? You called Daddy remember? Didn’t you get a surprise? You’ve got to respect the fact that although Daddy lives in Kansas City and we live in Chicago he has never disrespected my decisions or questioned my authority when it came to you. I love him for that.

I had the guiltiest feeling when I decided to divorce Daddy. I felt that I was doing you a disservice. About to turn 5; in all your wisdom telling me how this was for the better, and that you felt better and so should I. I didn’t realize until we were out of the situation; how much pressure you were under. Constantly checking on me and asking if I was okay. You did the same for Daddy. You’re a good child.

I could go on but, let’s get back to the purpose of this letter. Courtney, I know you are crazy about Nana, and you should be. My Mother has helped raise you and been your saving grace. It’s hard to be the perfect example of motherhood when you still need your Mommy. We both know I still need my Mommy. lol She is the woman and person I most admire, and I know she is the same for you.

As a parent you wish your child only saw you at your best, but unfortunately you’ve seen me at my lowest. There have been times you’ve seen me in the depths of depression. It may not seem like it, but you were the only reason I decided to wake up. Relationships? I haven’t always been the shining example of perfection. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to bring anyone around you unless it was serious. Wow, I actually thought they were serious?! Whatever criteria I was using has got to change.

One thing you know is that Daddy and I love each other, but more importantly we LOVE you! You represent the best of the two of us. You are perfection in our eyes. Here’s the experience and lesson I want you to get from me: LOVE YOURSELF!!! Of course, LOVE of GOD is always first, and then it’s LOVE of SELF. I know you love your family. You show it every day in all the things you do. But it is most important to LOVE YOU! The depression, the bad relationships, the indecisiveness, would all have gone away if only I knew how to LOVE myself. That means a lot of things Co. It means having a respect for yourself that allows you to honor your body and who you are at all times. That means not making decisions to pacify others, but doing whatever is in your best interest and not feeling guilty about it.

As a parent we want our children to be better than us. You were better than me, smarter than me, all those things better than me a long time ago. I’m thankful to GOD for that. You have been my protector when I should have been yours. You’ve been my parent when I should have been yours. You’ve been a sister, a best friend, and a confidant, and you’re still my child. I couldn’t ask for better. I’m proud that GOD chose me to be your Mother. So if I could share one thing that could save your life and make for a happier life it would be to LOVE YOURSELF! I LOVE you, Daddy LOVES you, and Nana LOVES you. Anyone who knows you LOVES you, but most important is that YOU LOVE YOU!

Question: If you could share one experience with a young man or woman that could save their life what would it be? Would you hesitate to share the experience even if it made you look weak or vulnerable?


  1. Would you limit me to just one Veela?!

    I share many of my experiences with my daughter. That's part of what we parents do.

    Nothing I could share with her makes me feel weak. I am stronger for having gained each experience and for being able to guide and groom her through sharing them.

  2. all i can say to that story veela is WOW. thats a great story and it sounds like its about you and your daughter. i don't have any kids and i haven't been in a serious relationship in almost 10 years. i been through a lot and i felt i wasn't ready to be involved with anyone. 10 yrs ago, i was almost married to a woman who i thought was the love of mt life. i was dead wrong. like they say: You live and learn. i gave 100% of my heart and soul to this woman and she stepped on it like a grape. i am ove it now but for about 3 or 4 years, i dwelled in it and it was really effecting me. then i started doing bad drugs and working while on drugs. it was depressing, bad, stupid, and it made me look really bad. it also cost me my career that i worked so hard for. I was a professional drum technician and was touring with various famous artist from around the world. i am originally from Chicago but currently residing in San Francisco. when i came here, i said to myself that i was gonna be a famous drummer and audio technician. i was young and dumb. i moved here in 1994 with a vision, my clothes, a drum kit and some deejay gear. i had sold everything else in chi. i knew i was more than ready for this. after all that. me and my ex met after living here for a year. we ended up living together after 4 months of dating. we stayed together for almost 5 years. my heart was broken, i was depressed. living alone in a 3 bedroom apartment wasn't fun. so i did the ultimate i sank myself into the production industry so intense that it landed me a tour after a year. i mean 18hour days 7 days a week with very little sleep. non-stop work and partying. mixing bands, setting up shows, performances with my band. were 3 or 4 times a month. i was on fire. my family was trippin because i came here and just jumped right in the mix of meeting people and making things happen. after a year the band was touring and we did a few shows in chicago. that was cool. a good time. anyway. what i am saying is. now that i am in my 40s and have changed my whole lifestyle. no more drugs, partying all night (well once in awhile i go to a friends house)but other than that. my life is based around playing drums now. its all i think about as well as women. there are so many beautiful women in this city that it makes me crazy. all nationalities. everything and most of them love the brothas...you know. LOL. Now..today i am a decent looking man with a good heart, no kids, drama, a free spirit who's also a good dresser and i love to smell good for the ladies. I still play drums like there's no tomorrow. (Sick with it)its who i am. the reason i live here. In 15 years. i have played in about 15 bands...almost some touring some not. mostly local punk rock, fusion, metal, classic rock, cover bands, blues bands. to mee it all became very boring. i am into the whole groove thing (jill scott, talib kweli,common,ramsey lewis). ok anyway is there hope for me in finding my true love. i need to know this as i am getting discouraged. ?


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