I have waited a long time to find you. A few times I thought I had found you, but it wasn’t you; just someone pretending to be you. When I first met you I thought the sun rose in your eyes and set with you each day, but it wasn’t you. I thought being in LOVE meant you becoming my everything, but it wasn’t you. I thought being in LOVE meant being lost in that other person. Not caring so much about what happened to me, but consumed by you, LOVE. It still wasn’t you. I thought I couldn’t breathe without you. I thought the world would end, and me with it; if it weren’t for this LOVE.
I compromised myself thinking that’s what you wanted me to do. I thought it was what you required for me to prove my LOVE. So I did it. Some things I changed because you asked; others because I would have done anything to hold on to you. Somewhere in the midst of this transformation I got lost. It was easy because it was never about me or me wanting to be LOVED. You were the priority and the purpose. You always made that clear. All the while I still didn’t know what LOVE was or even how to recognize it.
Years went by, and thought I found you again. But when you left this time I found it staggering to keep going. I had learned that LOVE conquers all, but the fairytale didn’t happen. This time you left me with scars and a broken heart. I know this sounds crazy, even ludicrous, but I was physically wounded. I felt the pain of the crack in my heart. The scar remains to remind me that I survived that time. A time where GOD Himself had to lead me, guide me, carry me.
So I anxiously looked for you. This time I would try to make you and shape you into what I thought I needed, but you left me frustrated and even more insecure with myself. LOVE…you kept eluding my grasp. I was so close and yet so far away. Here you come again pretending. Saying everything I wanted to hear. Doing all the things I thought I needed and wanted, but it wasn’t you. I was fooled again.
This time you won’t escape me. This time LOVE I will have you. The LOVE I’ve always wanted. The LOVE I always needed. It was an epiphany and I saw who you really were. One day I looked in the mirror and I saw you for the first time. I’ve spent my life looking for you, searching for you, and you were with me the whole time. How could I have missed it? How could I have missed you? I was so busy looking outside myself that I didn’t know what you looked like, how you tasted, or what you felt like. I searched all over looking only to find you were with me all along. You never left me. I never needed to look outside myself. I saw GOD. The GOD that LOVED me before I was formed, the GOD that carried me when I lost my strength. I am in LOVE. I’m in LOVE with GOD and HE’s in LOVE with me.
It took me all my life to figure out that LOVE is about Learning to Overcome Variables and Embrace who you are. It’s cliché but true, you can’t LOVE anyone until you LOVE yourself. When you LOVE you that LOVE radiates to others and they recognize you. They may even recognize you as the other half of their heart. Now I know what LOVE is.
Question: What is LOVE to you?