WHY ARE YOU SO BITTER? Saying says: “What does not kill you makes you stronger.”

I had a great conversation with my favorite cousin today. He’s happily married and has been for a while. Career –wise he and his wife are both successful. They both work in the entertainment industry. He did have me cracking up. He was like “Vee, why is it always the woman who ain’t got nobody that wants to tell you and everybody else how to get a man? Or even how to have a relationship.”They are the same ones with all the relationship books.

Am I single? Yes. Do I have a man? No. Do I have trouble getting a man? No. Do I have trouble finding the right man for me? Yes. I saw something today about whether or not a believer could marry someone of a different faith or an unbeliever. That’s a different can of worms. Let’s go back to the topic at hand. I wasn’t going to discuss this, but earlier this week I was attacked on my Facebook page. I said in my status that “Jesus is my boyfriend.” My point was I’ve heard many women who are dedicated to the church use that phrase as if to say that being involved in the church excludes you having a relationship; a personal relationship. We make GOD so small. You mean to tell me that HE sits high and looks low; knows every hair on your head, but doesn’t have time to give you the other half of your heart? When GOD spoke to me 17 years ago and told me HE wanted me to be happy I filed for divorce. I loved my ex enough that I knew he was unhappy too! Mind you; I prayed for 2 years before I got an answer. Of course I had those that said I was crazy. They seemed more concerned with my giving up my two car garage home than the end of my marriage. Then I had those who wanted to twist the Word of GOD to prove to me that I was going straight to hell if I got a divorce.

It took me a minute to recognize it, but I realized the woman who personally attacked me was bitter. No profile picture. No picture period. She was quick to tell me about myself and spew words of hate, but no courage to show her face. I didn’t know whether to laugh or feel sorry for her. Several ministers attempted to reach out to her and it all fell on a deaf ear. I do feel sorry for her. Obviously she’s really unhappy and lonely if she has nothing better to do. Disagree with me, fine. But this was about what she thought GOD should do to me and a lot of other craziness.

Could I be bitter? Sure, but GOD is too good for me to even bother. Have I had my heart broken? Of course!! Please stop acting as if I’ve never gone through anything. My hurts may surprise you. Let’s talk about the time the love of my life slept with me and then married another woman the next day. How about we talk about the fact he was married at my church by my minister. The same minister I thought was like a father to me. He wasn’t even a member of the church. How about we talk about the dummy that had the audacity to assume I was cheating on him and left me and married another woman when I didn’t even know he was seeing someone else. Okay let’s keep going. His man is now divorced and questioning what he was thinking. My exact sentiments. What about the guy who called me “wifey” and had another girlfriend throughout the duration of our relationship. I could go on, but it’s pointless. A weak girl’s laugh could be a strong girl’s cry. I laugh sometimes because I’d rather not cry. I don’t like people seeing me cry.

I could be bitter for all those reasons and more. I choose not to be. Just like you make a conscience decision to love someone; you also make a conscience decision to hate. I LOVE MEN! I choose not to categorize or stereotype all men. A while back I said that men and women want the same things. We just go about it differently. A friend was telling me that his father was a man of few words. His dad never missed a day of work. He went to all the baseball and football games for all his sons. This man came home every day. Simple, huh? Every action shows the love he has for his wife and family. I think that’s pretty cool. His parents have been married for 62 years. “Grow old with me the best is yet to be.” I think I know who wrote that line, but it’s not important. How beautiful is it to know that through all of life’s ups and downs there’s one person who can tell your story because their story is your story.

Question: Even if your heart was broken why are you bitter?
If GOD can heal your body of all disease; then why couldn’t HE heal your heart?


  1. I think you are incredible. What a lovely little blog you've got here.

  2. My humble opinnion is He can't without our permission, submission and sometimes our faith follows our feelings when our feeling should be following our faith because He's certainly not a God that would or do lie so my conclusion is one of the reasons prayers go unanswers and hearts remain hard producing bitterness is because we sometimes follow our feelings to the very end and never experience the highlife of a King's child which is called lowlife...

  3. They say you can't go by how you feel and you're right James. Hey Anderson don't forget the bio and headshot. I need that when you can. I have the workshops, but I already have some clients for you as an acting coach.

    PS I found my B.I.T.C.H. bag yesterday. I love that bag. Your Mom is so cool. Thank you for the compliment. In case you didn't know his Mother use to have a line of bags. B.I.T.C.H. stands for, Babes in total control of herself! So there!

  4. I sincerely hope you will accept this humble offering as a way inwhich to gain further insight on the subject you've raised "Bitterness". I didn't post this as an anecdote or response, merely another viewpoint.

    Love Without Conditions

    I love you as you are, as you seek to find your own special way to relate to the world.
    I honour your choices to learn in the way you feel is right for you.

    I know it is important that you are the person you want to be and not someone that I or others think you 'should' be. I realise that I cannot know what is best for you, although perhaps sometimes I think I do.
    I have not been where you have been,
    viewing life from the angle you have.
    I do not know what you have chosen to learn,
    how you have chosen to learn it,
    with whom or in what time period.
    I have not walked life looking through your eyes,
    so how can I know what you need.

    I allow you to be in the world
    without a thought or word of judgement from me
    about the deeds you undertake. I see no error in the things you say and do. In this place where I am, I see that there are many ways to perceive and experience the different facets of our world.
    I allow without reservation the choices you make in each moment.

    I make no judgement of this,
    for if I would deny your right to your evolution,
    then I would deny that right for myself and all others.

    To those who would choose a way I cannot walk,
    whilst I may not choose to add my power
    and my energy to this way,I will never deny you the gift of love that God has bestowed within me, for all creation.

    As I love you, so I shall be loved.
    As I sow, so shall I reap.

    I allow you the universal right of free will ~
    to walk your own path, creating steps ~~ or to sit awhile if that is what is right for you.
    I will make no judgements that these steps are large or small, nor light or heavy or that they lead up or down, for this is just my viewpoint. I may see you do nothing and judge it to be unworthy and yet it may be that you bring great healing~ as you stand blessed by the Light of God.
    I cannot always see the higher picture of Divine order.

    For it is the inalienable right of all life~
    to choose their own evolution
    and with great love I acknowledge your right~
    to determine your future.
    In humility I bow to the realisation~
    that the way I see as best for me~
    does not have to mean it is also right for you.
    I know that you are led as I am, following the inner excitement to know your own path.

    I know that the many races, religions, customs,
    nationalities and beliefs within our world,
    bring us great richness and allow us the benefit and teachings of such diverseness.
    I know we each learn in our own unique way
    in order to bring that love and wisdom back to the whole. I know that if there were only one way to do something,there would need only be one person.

    I will still love you ~ even if you don't believe in those things I believe in.
    I understand you are truly my brother and my sister,though you may have been bornin a different place and believe in another God than I.

    The love I feel is for all of God's world.
    I know that every living thing is a part of God
    and I feel a love deep within for every person, animal,tree and flower, every bird, insect, river and ocean and for all the creatures in all the world.

    I live my life in loving service,being the best me I can,becoming wiser in the perfection of Divine truth,becoming happier in the joy of Unconditional Love.

    Author Unknown

    May love have it's way with us all,

  5. One of the biggest points of Jesus and that of the Holy Spirit is that we SHOULD be in RELATIONSHIP with each other. We should LOVE our neighbor. I remember the incident on your FB page and I told the person to read the entire books of Romans and both Corithians and then maybe we could talk. It seems to me, as it seemed to Paul, many people who called themselves "Saved" miss the point. It is not about toungues or interpretation of toungues. The Holy Spirit drives you to be in relationship with other people and to love. I find many so called "Saved" people to be much like the newer version of the Pharissees, that attempt to separate themselves from others who they thought were not faithful enough to the law and traditions in their view. This is why Jesus made a point of calling them out so often. We can not separate ourselves, we must be in relationship with one another. Point is, however, I think that we all, both men and women, try too hard to make relationships happen, thereby forcing them. I believe this is why many relationships fail. God bring you the people you should be in relationship with and you will recognize them if your heart is in the right place and see them as they really are as opposed to what you want them to be or where you think you might take them to be. Good relationships are fluid and allow for growth. You must love someone for who they are and for who they will become. It is a constant and daily discovery of love that thrives on the prospect of the other growing as a person, as a soul. That is the point of relationships, isn't it? To grow together and grow in love together over time and each person contributes to the growth and the appreciation of God to the other. Not in a dogmatic way because dogma hinders and kills all relationships, including any relationship to God. But contributing to growth in a way that awes in the surprise and newness of the other person. A telescoping appreciation of the other as a human being, as a man and as a woman with no parameters. So stop forcing relationships and let them grow naturally. Soon you will find one that stands the test of time.

  6. Awesome Wisdom John! Well said!!!

  7. I am grateful to GOD for HE has healed my heart time and time again. Through all of my experiences that should have made me bitter God made me stronger. With all the odds of lossing it all, in career ventures, family issues and crazy friendship relationships. I am still standing. Knowing without God I am nothing. So I thank God for removing bitters from my heart. He pulls me closer to HIM daily. Understanding that I can't go back to fix or to mend anything because I left the past for my future. I am so happy about what God is doing in me and through me. He can heal anybody. All you have to do is ask and it shall be given unto you.

  8. Beautiful my lady! I have walked this path with you a while now and I know your loving heart well. I even know the loving nature that you share with your ex and how the two of you nurture and support your daughter without drama.

    Relationships are the mirrors to our soul. Some of us want to do the work and some of us do not. When we focus outside of ourselves looking for reasons why we don't have want we desire, it's mainly because we are stilled wrapped up in the culture of being a "victim". Both men and women have a tendency to do this. However, I believe that what you also have in your life are friends that nurture and support you and whom you nurture and support as well. These relationships are also mirrors for you to see yourself through.

    I love the new direction you have gone with this and I will continue to follow you as always. ~~ Love and Light!

  9. Jesus was only popular when he healed and fed people!
    He was never popular when he told the truth.
    Keep telling the truth you are an awesome woman.

    Thanks Greg Gunn wrote

  10. Hi Veela.

    That was a mouthful right there. I thank God for all married couples striving for excellence and righteousness in Christ and have tenureship to back it up. I thank God for all the single people like me, though we've had rough times finding mates, we had time to seek the Lord and some of us chose to serve Him. Bitterness is a slow death for all mankind no matter what situation make us that way. I've had my moments beforehand when a woman breaks my heart or if I just had a bad experience mainly towards the end. I also had to look at myself to see if there was anything I could have done differently. After my flesh has its moment of strife, I get back into the spirit, forgive (myself included), and keep moving forward handling the Father's business. Like that message says, what won't kill you will make you stronger. If bitterness is what we choose to thrive off of, it will kill us eventually. Be blessed everyone! Min FW3

  11. Moni Rashad: To be sexually abused as a child and nobody believed me made me angry and bitter. Didn't trust absolutely nobody until GOD stepped in and saved me in the midst of my own madness.

    I was ready to committ myself when I kept hearing a voice saying, "YOU WILL TAKE THIS FAITH WALK: NOW GET UP"! There was nobody in the room with me each time I heard the voice. By this time; you couldn't convince me that God even existed. Not when my life had one hell after healing from another.

    As God proved Himself to be real; I felt HIM come into my sleep, wrap me in His arms and rock me back to sleep. For the first time that time; was when I cried tears that felt like my insides were being pulled out of me.

    I woke up with a melody and hook in my head. Went to my bible for the first time in years; opened it straight up to Solomon without trying. And saw the words to the verses that came with the melody that God planted on my heart. I wasn't lonely or even thinking about a man at that hour so I KNEW it was definitely God.

    He said, "Your husband will know you by your love for me". That night; my most requested wedding song was written:
    "BELOVED" February,2002
    The heart feeds every vessel in the body. Only when we let go and hand it ALL over to God will the healing and restoration begin. A bitter angry heart feeds bitter angry thought and action. Heal the heart and you heal the mind.

  12. Monica,

    Your story touched my heart. Thank you for being brave enough to share it. Somebody is being healed because of you.

  13. I commend you for this blog, We being Taurus women as such are known for holding grudges. I can relate to similar circumstance in your confession of being hurt. It has left me praying not to hold onto the hurtful past, Prayer to Better never Bitter. In it and thru it "I will give God the Glory".

  14. I give GOD the glory as well for
    1. Helping me to have forgiveness
    2. Knowing how to LOVE
    3. Not holding a grudge lol
    4. Showing me how to accept people for where they are
    5. Accepting myself(flaws and all)
    6. Finally learning to LOVE myself.

    GOD bless you. And thank you for taking the time to comment. We Tauruses are usually in our own world. Thank you for visiting mine.

    Veela aka Venus

  15. Wow!!! why you are so bitter got me 2 really thinking!!!u kno relationships can be tricky.I think most thing's start from our adolescent years...this is what makes us become who we are.People are living bitter lives because they feel like they dont serve a purpose.I think personally anyone can have a relationship with God,but what kind of relationship is the question.If God!! who is the father had a list of commands i should follow: such as...adultry,fornication,etc...whatever the case. If im doing the opposite of what my father told me 2 do,what can i expect the outcome 2 be? I think we being imperfect upset God all the time thru our actions,but he is not behind the bad thing's that come about.God is merciful,& if people connect everyday life thru him,problems dont seem to weigh u down so much.I think about when my mother would tell me about my association.I laughed and said oh,that guy is cool!! but then found myself in a world of trouble trying 2 make my own decisions,but having no experience on seperation of friends and associates.In life we all carry scars,that's why it's best to live simple so the rest of the world does not consume us.That guy who stayed with his wife over 62 yrs must have something most people dont understand.I know when u keep thing's simple the complicated thing's work out.Keep God in mind with all your decisions & u will never fail.Im hoping i was not 2 off subject,but i guess the point im trying to make is....let God direct your footsteps in every situation.He will sustain you thru all trials,because we are all imperfect people.

  16. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Tell the TRUTH and shame the devil. You did just that!!!!!!


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