AM I MARRIAGE MATERIAL? "Not trying to be someone’s wifey or girlfriend. I want to be somebody’s wife!"

I recently had a conversation with a good friend. We try to support each other whenever we can. We’re both in transition. He’s going through a divorce and after talking to him I surprised myself and realized that I want to get married again. I’ll be damned! It surprised me too. He was like, “Wow Vee!”

Wow is right. I didn’t know it myself. It sort of came out. Sometimes the GOD in you, the subconscious speaks up. When it does you need to pay attention. My Godfather once told me that you should be so in tune with the Father that His thoughts and yours are one. I know that’s scripture, but it doesn’t happen until you surrender yourself (as a friend so gently reminded me). Since my birthday and before, I’ve been giving into the surrender. I finally accepted the calling on my life. I don’t know where that’s going to take me, but I’m ready.

In July it will be 17 years since my divorce. That’s a long time. I’ve been proposed to. But I’ve not had a man in my life that I knew I couldn’t live without. This is terrible to admit, but I love HARD. My Mom’s best friend once said he wish he could find a partner that was half as loving as he was. This is the same man that has flown women around the world and they were just dating. I wouldn’t mind that myself.

I’ve been given the moniker of “wifey”. I don’t like it. Doesn’t work for me. In the end, he only gave me that title to pacify me and make himself feel better for all the dirt he did when we weren’t together. Ever been in the company of your boyfriend/girlfriend and they meet up with a friend and awkwardly try to introduce you? Even better, they don’t even bother. You’re standing there looking dumb; talking to yourself. Should I be insulted? Hell yes! You were good enough to sleep with, but not important enough to be acknowledged.

I may not know what I want, but I’ve had enough experience to know what I don’t want. Here’s the shortlist:

1.A man after GOD’s heart (like David).
2.I can no longer be an afterthought or secondary; I have to take priority.
3.I want my best friend. You share everything, all your secrets with your best friend. That way there are no secrets.
4.I want an ambitious man, because I’m very ambitious.
5.I know I have a dry sense of humor, but humor is like foreplay to me. I’m serious.

I don’t have preconceived notions on how he should look. I’m not that shallow. Raul Midon has a song and in the lyrics it says, “I have waited all my life for you, but I didn’t know it.” I like that. That’s what I want. I offer a lot, and would expect a man to bring a lot to the table. The right man for me will speak to the GOD in me and we’ll have a conversation that only GOD could dictate. Please stop waiting around and putting your life on hold waiting for your husband or wife to find you. When I meet my husband I hope I’m doing something great and wonderful so he’ll recognize me for who I am. His! Special designed and created just for him.

Question: Are you marriage material?


  1. I think that is a powerful message. Most people do put the lives on hold waiting for Mr./Mrs. Right putting everything on hold. Thats not the way to live. The important message is to live now and your future spouse will come. I think I am marriage material and know that I will re-marry soon and only God knows who that speical man is in this World. I also know that we will be best friends and share a live of love together. Putting each other first and foremost.

  2. Everyone, in my opinion, is marriage material when they really love themselves and love God. That is the only way 1 + 1 = 2 . But the right one for you has to multiply that exponentially. God has a way of bringing it to you and it will happen. Will you (I mean all those that want it) be ready for it?

  3. Marriage material, me? Yes but it will have to really sneak up on me next time around.

  4. Why was that funny? lol Damn you sound like me until recently. Adamant about never getting married again. I have issues about failure. For me a divorce says FAILURE. I use to joke that if I got married again the only way we were getting out of it was if one of us died. Bottomline; to love someone and make that kind of commitment means FAITH. Foresaking All I Take HIM. It means trusting GOD completely.

  5. I believe I am good marraige material. I agree with you about divorce & failure. But, I have learned that everyone experiences failure in life I just believe it cannot be the place where you quit. I'd rather turn the page and see what God has in mind for me than close the book. I don't want my sad chapters in life to be my whole story. I don't want the facts from my past to rob my of the truth of God's blessings that lie ahead of me by faith.

  6. @Veela - I should sound like you! Weren't you referencing one of our recent conversations in your OP? The faith is there, I'm simply not in that mindset to even consider marriage. Sort of like I'm not of the mind to kiss a grizzly bear. I simply do not want to.

    To borrow a phrase from William, "I'm turning pages" from a new book and the word marriage ain't on the cover.

    I was telling a friend just last night that never having failed only means you have not tried hard enough to succeed...

  7. When I grow up I want to be just like you.
    ;-)Hell yes I used our conversation as a reference. We have never a conversation that wasn't of substance. I think you're wise beyond your years. I take what you say to heart. Vee

  8. I don't believe that a successful marriage or relationship is a matter of being "marriage" material; it's a matter of attitude. Let me explain.

    Most people believe that two people need to know each other for a substantial time (maybe even live together for a substantial time) before getting married. And yet, the divorce rate in the U.S. now stands at an average of over 60%. And I'd be willing to bet that at least 80% of those marriages were between couples that knew each other for a substantial amount of time.

    Now, in other countries, where "arranged marriages" are still quite commonplace, the divorce rate is substantially lower than it is in the U.S.

    So, you have to ask yourself why that is. Well, I propose that the reason for this is that family ties in such countries are a great deal stronger and that the married couples in these countries have a greater degree of selflessness and a greater degree of dedication to making the marriage be a success. And these are couple that didn't even know each other prior to getting married, so they certainly were not "in love" prior to getting married. But over the years, that love came about and developed as a result of the years of marriage (not the marriage taking place because they thought they were in love, often confusing hormones and passion/lust with real love).

    I submit that a successful marriage is not something that just takes place; it is a great deal of hard work and it takes things like selflessness, no expectations (except from yourself), commitment, dedication, honesty, communication, and many other things to make it a success. Does love have to be one of those things? I don't think so...but it's certainly a nice to have. I submit that if you have a successful marriage, then love will blossom out of that relationship but you don't have to be in love or even know the other person going into the marriage and I think that the success of all those arranged marriages proves that point.

    For that reason, if I meet a woman that I find myself attracted to and I say to myself, "now that is a woman that I would have no problem dedicated myself to her happiness", then I would have no problem whatsoever asking her to marry me, even if I hadn't even known her for a day. Why? Because I know that I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy, regardless of what personal happiness of my own I might need to sacrifice. Self-sacrifice is a big part of a successful marriage and I think that's why so many marriages in the U.S. fail. To many people are just to selfish.

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  10. Sometimes the failure is not in what YOU are willing to give to a marraige. Sometimes it is a failure to pick the right partner that is willing to give as much as they take. Some people have no problem receiving as much love as they can get... but, they do have a problem giving it. They expect faithfulness but they won't be faithful. They expect you to work at the relationship but are not willing to work at it themselves. Some want to marry an image... a look... but your life partner must be equipped with the character, commitment, and willingness to work just as hard as you are at making the marraige work.

  11. I to have been divorced for 17 years and I decided a couple years back that I wanted to marry again. I have such a busy schedule that I don't think that it possible to find love right now. I have to be prepared for the love of my life. I am patient and will wait for the Lord to send him to me when He knows I am ready.

  12. Well, Minister Bill, for the most part I agree with you. It certainly does take "two to tango", so to speak.

    I know that even if the other person wasn't willing to work at the marriage, there isn't any sacrifice I wouldn't make and there isn't anything I wouldn't do to make her happy (even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness).

    But, yes, a marriage certainly does have a better chance of success if both parties are willing to work at it. You definitely are right there.



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