RELATIONSHIPS: WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS? "WHEN FANTASY OVERTAKES REALITY."

My marriage was short-lived and destined for failure. I had set myself up. I was by all accounts; a dutiful wife and mother. Perfection was my goal. I would try to anticipate his needs before he did. The house was spotless. I worked out religiously. The body had to be right for my man. And yes fellas; I can cook. My mother and grandmother taught me very well.

All this and it didn't work. I had stopped doing the things I loved. The things that made me Veela. No more singing; no more modeling; the things that made me who I am. Don't get me wrong. I loved being a wife; but I had set the bar so high that I couldn't live up to my own expectations. Even in the end my ex-husband told me he would not find a woman who would do all the things I did for him. Part of it was my upbringing. I was raised to believe that you "cater" to your man. I have a tendency to baby and spoil the men in my life. Fixing their plate and those types of considerations; takes nothing from me. But where do you cross the line so that you are no longer allowing him to be at his full potential? To be the man that God created him to be.

I guess that everyone has to answer that for themselves. I don't think I've met any man who follows the mantra of the Babyface song. Heck, even before he was discovered Babyface was dating a woman who complained about his career. She told him he would never make it. Soon after their break-up he got his first deal. I can attest to the fact that he treated her like gold. This is when he had no money. Her expectations were completely distorted. I'm sure she regrets breaking up with him.

As always I want your opinions and experiences.

Questions: What are your expectations for your man or woman?
Are you living up to the expectations you set for them?

Comments

  1. Wow! Fantasy and reality are two very contrasting words, realities, and expectations. What's crazy is that sometimes what we want can distort our view of what is real. I think that fantasy is healthy sometimes in a realationship, because it allows you to have something else to hope for or look forward to. Fantasy becomes unhealthy when you live as though, the way you think, is how it truely is... even though it obviously isn't. For the most part, we normally fantasize about the things we desire but do not have. If we are not careful about the things we conger up in our minds, we can begin living a lie in a world of hallucination. I believe that expectations can be un- realistic when it's based on fantasy. When it comes to relationships, most fantasies are better off staying as fantasies. A fantasy is something that you should keep for yourself, in order to always have a greater since of hope. In the past, I have tried to fullfill certain fantasies, only to be disappointed. Some people fantasize about things such as: nice cars, the big house (with a white pickett fence), and a perfect family, only to obtain these things and realize that nothing is ever perfect. Others may fantasize about their love life or relatuionship in general. Either way, nothing is ever good enough or satisfying, unless it's spiritual, at least that's what I've come to find.

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  2. expect nothing, just give from your heart!!
    expectations other than your own are too
    unpredictable and confusing. give what u can from your heart, if that is not enough
    FUCK 'EM

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  3. Lady Veela,
    Awesome!...Thank you for sharing your story to help others learn from.
    In a healthy relationship Communication / Balance to not lose ones self of wishes and desired GOALS.
    Our values and our upbringing are ours and in most cases different from our partners this is the cause of many of the struggles in the relationship. That you love your partner enough... See More to yield your “I”ndividual desires for the “We” commitment. To yield means to give up control. The relationship has to be on the same page in order for this to be successful.
    Because together “We” can achieve More of....Our hopes, Our dreams, Our desires. WE can GROW twice as big together than we can grow alone.
    Learn the art of communication through education, prayer, time and much love. No other should be close enough to hold the trusted and coveted role of your ‘Best Friend’ other than your spouse.
    Have a heart to heart, open honest conversation with the understanding that part of the solution may be to agree to disagree. Disagreeing is fine just let the partner know what your perception of the relationship is. Let them know how you feel, what you want to gain from the relationship and what you are willing to do to assist in making the relationship work as a healthy one.
    Remember relationships are everything, but a one way relationship leads to a dead end while a healthy relationship is a two lane communicational highway freely flowing without impede in either direction.

    Thank you for Reading...

    PS: I am corny as in nerd, kind of guys like Babyface. I totally love his love song story lines...
    I believe that a woman is the most precious thing on the earth and i'll do anything to stop my baby from ever being hurt...i'm just a bit old-fashioned and I can't help livin' that way!

    I would like to share this poem that I've written for her years ago....Corny, but it's from my heart (don't use it tomorrow).

    To My Queen Gloria.....
    I choose you to be my lover and my best friend, because you're the one I can always depend on.
    You hold my hand, you wipe my tears, but most of all you calm my fears.
    You make me laugh and sometime cry, but I know we will never say goodbye.
    I choose you now this time in my life, and commit forever to be your husband.
    I choose you because you are my lover and " BEST FRIEND" to this statement there is no end.

    To see the full story check-out:
    http://whyte23.blogspot.com/2009/08/22-years-of-marriageto-same-woman.html

    Peace & Productivity...
    Marcus Whyte23
    Commissioned - Ordinary Just Won't Do.....For A Healthy Marriage! ♥♥

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  4. we are one in the same, how can i love a stranger so much...

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  5. When I think about love...

    What makes someone really love? I mean to love someone so much that it is exclusive. It's almost like it is a very special place. And that you only go there with that one exclusive "special" person. It's like... sacred. It's a concept that some people have lost faith in. They no longer believe in an exclusive, monogamous, committed physical and spiritual partnership.

    No matter how beautiful or handsome someone is there will always be someone more beautiful or handsome. Do you get with someone until someone else comes along that looks better? No matter how much money someone has there will always be someone with more money. Do you get with someone because they have money and then drop them for someone that has more money? If the reasons for attraction are only superficial then it is fleeting and it doesn't last.

    Do we really love other people or do we just love our selves and use people to make us feel better about ourselves. Sometimes it's like a drug. Some people are addicted to the attention that comes from being desired. They want people to want them and they get off on it as if it were a drug. Being desired and being loved are not the same thing. No matter who they have and how much that person loves them they are not satisfied. They want more attention than one person can give them.

    The Police have a song that says "We are Spirits in the Material World." Well I have found that you cannot scratch a spiritual itch with a physical finger. We attempt to only to find that we are still empty and lonely.

    I'd rather have one real and genuine relationship than a million fake ones. I don't want a harem. I don't even want to go through a bunch of women. I just want one. That one special one.... life partner, friend, lover...

    Minister William Hutchison

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  6. I also believe you can't expect from someone what you are not willing to give. Giving love, respect, faithfulness, companionship, friendship, etc. from you're heart should be a two way highway and not a one way road. God did not make woman from a bone in a man's foot. He used the rib closest to his heart. She should be loved, respected, appreciated as an equal partner... not some throw rug that he can walk all over.

    There is no real mystery in the way we (males & females) should treat one another. God is not the author of confusion. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Have an empathetic and not an apathetic heart in the way we treat one another. We also must realize that we wrestle not against flesh & blood, but against powers and principalities; spiritual wickedness in high places. To effectively fight the enemy we have to identify who the real enemy is. Satan doesn't want to see relationships prosper. If I can see my blessing is my life partner then I will seek God for wisdom in how to properly love, cherish, appreciate, protect, and provide for my life partner. There are no rights without responsibilities. We must be sensitive to the needs of our partner and be willing to respond to their needs... all in a Spirit of Love... God's Agape Love!

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