I was having a casual conversation with a my good friend Don Spears. Don wrote a bestseller years ago called In Search of Goodpussy. In the book Don discussed his theories on black love and how history has affected our relationships. He has strong opinions. We don't always agree. Today we did.

Time and time again I hear about the shortage of eligible black men. I've constantly heard that one of the factors is homosexuality. I attribute this to single mothers raising sons on their own. Don't get me wrong; I'm a single mother too. I would never profess to know how to teach a boy to be a man. Unfortunately, a lot of us didn't grow up with a strong father-figure. Men and women don't think alike. Example: Don was telling me how his uncle didn't have a problem sharing or giving his wife money, but he never did it in front of his children. He didn't believe a woman should be in a man's pocket. If we took a poll most of us would agree that we were told by our mothers that a man should share everything. Doesn't mean he wouldn't; just means he goes about it differently.

QUESTION: Can a woman raise a boy to be a man?


  1. Well Veela...Although it is true that many women have reared very good strong heterosexual boys to be men, it is also true that the best teacher would be a man. This is not to say that a woman is incapable of teaching a boy how to be a man. I just think it is irresponsible and reprehensible to expect her to do so.

  2. I believe that a more appropriate approach to the question posed is to examine the mother's life. Through the mother, does the child in question understand what a good man should do? In other words: does the mother have men around who exemplify the qualities of a strong, intelligent and worthwhile man or does she bring anyone in the house, at her leisure? Does she bring the child in question to church or any other house of worship so that they might learn, spiritually what it means to be a man? Does the child in question have role models - rather, does the mother introduce the child to role models that exemplify the type of man the child should try to be?
    The real question is not in the mother's ability to teach a boy to become a man (he will figure out sports and how to stand up and urinate on his own); the question should be, what type of men are in the child in question's life that he may learn from in lessons on how to be a man?
    I am well aware of the questions of homosexuality versus heterosexuality and I have had many opportunities to examine the cause and effect factors in each scenario. But there are so many other facets to examine in this question; what type of culture is the mother from (Hispanic Macho, Islamic Subordination, etc.)? What type of parent's did SHE have? Does she have male siblings? This examination could go on for days because there is no set answer as to why people choose homosexual lifestyles and there is no set example of a woman raising a boy to be a heterosexual man, or homosexual man for that matter.
    Long story short, its a broad question with a wide array of possibilities. Perhaps a more concise question is in order.

  3. As a former United Way Big Brother, I feel the question has merit and is one any parent rearing an opposite sex child should consider. I would certainly question my ability to teach my daughter what it means to be a lady and an upright woman.

    Personally, I feel the question of homosexuality is one of nature not nurture for males & females alike BUT I do agree that a young man surrounded with female leads will noticeably take on feminine mannerisms regardless of his sexual orientation.

    Sexual orientation aside and more to the point of whether an opposite sex parent can instill within their child qualities that child's sex should have, I say YES without a doubt.

    In my opinion, if that parent has done a good job of simply raising the child to be a Good Person first as a youngster before gender roles begin to take on more significance, that child will discern who and what should be emulated and who & what should be ignored. I saw it in my own daughter and I used to take her everywhere with me when she was quite young. Everyone that knew me also knew her so she took on what she saw because those were the examples I presented to her. Things (people) outside of that framework were automatically suspect and she interacted with them accordingly and according to MY lead.

    So, without reading too too much into the myriad implications within the original question and instead focusing on its basis alone, I say that yes, a woman can raise fine young men on their "own" so to speak. I have seen it done with several of my friends whose mothers I respect enough to visit even when that friend is not around. They've done well by their sons.

    And for the record, none of those men are homosexual.

  4. She can do it; but it would be best if she had positive influential men around to dot some "i's" and cross the "t's" - because as much as we don't like to admit it; women are not going to know all what a man knows on how to raise a boy and how to relay that to a boy in growing (vice versa for men raising young girls).

    Due Daniels

  5. I believe a good strong women can raise a boy to be a a good man but in that manhood I believe there is something missing. That thing that a women does not have to give to her son because she does not possess it. It is a different kind of strength, an attitude, a way of thinking, a spirit. But, I am speaking of a GOOD man. Not all man have these qualities either so, considering this, I believe a woman is quite cable of raising a good son even without those attributes more so than a man trying to raise a son without them.

  6. I believe that a women can only teach what she knows.... A women can teach her son to respect a women, how to be a gentlemen, and how to be a productive member of society. Those are great qualities to have, but I believe that to be a man it takes more than that. I was raised in a two parent household. I can't even imagine not having my dad around. He has had such a great influence on my life. Unfortunately I found myself raising my children as a single parent after my marriage ended and I can tell you this; as much as I try to provide good examples for them nothing beats having a good man in their lives. Children learn relationship skills from their parents. If their parents are in a good healthy relationship, then they will learn good healthy relationship skills. If their parents are in unhealthy relationships then that is what the children will learn. I believe that if a child had to be raised by only one parent it should be the father. Father's can provide their children with what they need. It is easier for a father to find a women that would be willing to help him raise his children. Mother's on the other hand have a harder time finding a good man that would be willing to help her raise her children.
    These are just my thoughts. :-)

  7. Yes a woman can raise a man. Actually my Father was raised by his GrandMother. My Father's Granny raised him to be strong and determined, and to never let your own child, treat you any kind of way. And from all that my father raised me and I thank GOD he took full resposibility to take care of me. So a woman can raise a boy into a man, without him being homosexual. A man has a choice to want to take the things in life that he learned from a woman in to character or into knowing what to do when he has a woman in his life.


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