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Showing posts from 2010

I AM READY FOR LOVE

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It's taken me all this time to get here. I didn't think I would ever arrive. I've been through hell and back to get here. I've been in pseudo relationships that left me wanting and cold. I'm not sure I could call them relationships. I do know it takes the participation of two to qualify as a relationship. It's not rocket-science, but difficult enough.

The first relationship I was in was somewhat one-sided. I lacked the maturity to sustain or be in a relationship. That was just what he wanted; for me to feel overwhelmed. And I was. I hid the relationship from beginning to end and it turned out to be one of my biggest mistakes. I paid dearly for that.

Constantly I write about self-LOVE for good reason. It took me the better part of my adult life to recognize that not LOVING me meant I was incapable of LOVING anyone else. Not the LOVE you have for your family or your children; no the sacred LOVE shared between a man and a woman. I believe it is GOD-given. Not to …

AM I IN LOVE WITH LOVE?

I just figured out something about myself. I think I’m in LOVE with LOVE. Not the hard stuff, but the idealized version. Holding hands, skipping through the park, never let you go kind of LOVE. Maybe I’ve seen too many Disney movies. Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy. They fall deeply in LOVE and live happily ever after. The End

Now back to reality...boy meets girl; boy has too many hang-ups and personal issues to fall in LOVE with any damn body. Girl is too insecure to have a healthy relationship; least of all fall in LOVE. Here’s the modern day version: Man meets woman. They exchange numbers and start sexting. lol They haven’t even had a date! Date?!!! Do people do that anymore? Where’s the romance? Where are the flowers? When is the last time you were asked out? I mean he/she calls you, makes plans for an outing that you’d both enjoy. They pick you up to take you to dinner, a movie, a concert, a show. Where is the LOVE? Where is the romance?

Chivalry is dead! Well, maybe not dead…

Quincy Jones - The Secret Garden

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Artist: Quincy Jones
Song: The Secret Garden

(Intro)
Tell me your secret
I don't just want to know about any secret of yours...
Because tonight I want you to learn all about the secrets
In your garden

(Verse 1)
I wanna read your mind, know you deepest feelings
I wanna make it right for you
Baby, show me
Let me share the mystery, oh...

Listen to your heart tonight

Make it alright, yeah, yeah, yeah


(Verse 2)
I know a melody that we could sing together
I've got the secret key to you, baby
Let's make music
Harmonizin' ecstasy

Come on, sing it to me

(Bridge)
Here in the garden
Where temptation feels so right
Passion can make you fall for what you feel
In the garden
We can make it come alive
Every night, oh, woman
Your secret garden, hoo..., hoo..., hoo..., hoo...

(Verse 3)

I need to be with you, let me lay beside you
Do what you want me too all night
Gonna hold you
Ooh, baby, can I touch you there

I can keep yo…

Black Marriage Negotiations

WHAT THE HELL?! I HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF GETTING HIT BY A BUS THAN GETTING MARRIED?!

I read this statistic sometime ago and was appalled that my future as a black woman was so bleak. Wow, there goes my optimism. lol I’ve held ever title there is; daughter, girlfriend, finance’, wife, mother, mistress, wifey, ex-wife, sweetheart, lover, ex-lover and then some. Why has the title of “wife” eluded me?

Here are some of the top reasons that have been given as to why black women don’t marry.

1.As a product of a divorce I am more likely to divorce too.

2.I am least likely to re-marry after divorce.

3.Only 30% of black women will marry after the age of 30.

4.Unemployment

5.AIDs Crisis (How many women have been married to or involved with men who are secretly gay?)

6.Small pool of marriageable black men.

7.Few places to meet eligible black men. (Has the church contributed to this perpetual crisis? When’s the last time your girlfriend told you she met her “man” at church?)

8.1 in 5 black men will marry outside their race.

9.More women are delaying marriage and children to comp…

WHO IS SHOWING UP IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? WHO IS LIVING YOUR LIFE?!

I wrote something today on my Facebook status that made me contemplate my own reality. I just asked people to be their “authentic self.” How much easier would life be if we all decided to show up? Going through the motions, pretending to be someone you’re not. How tiring is this? Ever notice that if you lie about something it’s hard as hell to remember the lie, then you have to tell another lie to cover the first lie, and so on and so on… it never ends. We’ve gotten so use to pretending that we don’t even know ourselves. We pretend at work, we pretend at home, we pretend with friends, we pretend with family. Will the real “you” please stand up?! Do you even know who that is anymore? We lie to people, but no lie is greater than the ones we tell ourselves.

I was trading emails with a friend and we were laughing about how people send their “representative” to meet you. Not that you want to call people out when you first meet them, but isn’t it funny how you have that sixth sense a…

ARE YOU PUTTING YOUR TRUST IN MAN OR GOD?

Yesterday it was reported locally and nationally that there were sexual allegations against a very prominent minister in the African-American community. At this juncture and in this day and age; nothing really shocks me. We live in a society that is still cleaning up after decades of sexual molestation in the Catholic Church. The accusations of sexual improprieties in the Church are nothing new. This minister was living a secret life. The sexual orientation of another is in question. The whispers continue, but no one is ever challenged. For years it’s been a running joke in the Black Church that every choir director or minister of music is gay. It’s the reference we make about so and so being just a little too feminine. What do you expect? I know I usually write about LOVE and relationships, but this is a conversation long overdue.

I’m a healthy woman with a sexual appetite, but I would NEVER discuss this in Church. It’s taboo to even think about it. We talk about reaching ou…

TIME TO HIT THE PAUSE BUTTON: MY DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

I just need to rant for a minute. Can people be who they say they are? If you approach me as friend or foe I would appreciate and respect honesty over anything else. I’ve wasted more time lately on people who are quick to tell me what they think I want to hear; rather than the TRUTH. I’d take the TRUTH over a lie any day. It’s easier to digest.

Everyone wishes that they could change something in their life. My life would be perfect if I had the money to do this or do that. My life would be great if I just had this. If only I was thinner, if I was richer, if I was taller…the list goes on. Too many times we put our life on hold patiently waiting for nothing. Why do we torture ourselves when time continues and we need to embrace life?

Too bad life isn’t like video. There are definitely a few things I’d rewind in my life. Hell, there are more than a few spots I’d like to edit/cut completely. I have to remember that GOD doesn’t make mistakes. We have free-will and sometimes GO…

ARE YOU KIDDING? WHEN DID I BECOME ENEMIES WITH MY CHILDREN AND GOD?

Recently I’ve heard all these theories and speculations on why I’m doomed to never have a relationship.

1.Men have this unrepressed anger towards their Mothers and essentially blame them for being without a Father. (Does this apply to daughters too?)

2.Women are constantly in church and don’t want to date anyone outside the church; leaving them with a narrow margin of ever being in a relationship.

3.Black women have a greater chance of being hit by a car then ever getting married.

4.We come from the legacy of a single parent home; therefore we are unequipped to be in any type of relationship.

5.We are so different from men in our thinking that we can never see eye to eye.

6.Most good women have trouble marrying a decent guy.

7.Love you Steve Harvey, but when did you figure out what I needed or wanted?

8.Oh don’t let me forget; we’re all waiting for Denzel (or someone like him) to save us from ourselves.

9.Friend of mine wrote a book in which he theorized that the affects of slavery ha…

India Arie Ready For Love

Dear LOVE:

Dear LOVE,

I have waited a long time to find you. A few times I thought I had found you, but it wasn’t you; just someone pretending to be you. When I first met you I thought the sun rose in your eyes and set with you each day, but it wasn’t you. I thought being in LOVE meant you becoming my everything, but it wasn’t you. I thought being in LOVE meant being lost in that other person. Not caring so much about what happened to me, but consumed by you, LOVE. It still wasn’t you. I thought I couldn’t breathe without you. I thought the world would end, and me with it; if it weren’t for this LOVE.

I compromised myself thinking that’s what you wanted me to do. I thought it was what you required for me to prove my LOVE. So I did it. Some things I changed because you asked; others because I would have done anything to hold on to you. Somewhere in the midst of this transformation I got lost. It was easy because it was never about me or me wanting to be LOVED. You were the priority…

DON’T PANIC BEFORE YOUR MIRACLE: ARE YOU GOING TO BELIEVE GOD OR YOUR LYING EYES?

Have you ever been so close to your miracle, your breakthrough that you could smell it, touch it, feel it? That’s where I am. I can’t give up right now, but it does look crazy. GOD doesn’t give vision without fruition. That’s what I keep telling myself. I consider myself a positive and inspirational person, but even I need a word of encouragement. Just as I was praying and crying out to GOD; my sister in Christ sent me a message. Something I needed.

"TO MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER VEELA, ALTHOUGH I DO NOT KNOW YOU BUT LET ME TELL YOU THIS, GOD LOVES YOU, HE HAS YOU IN HIS PLAN, HE HAS SEEN YOUR OBEDIENCE AND YOUR TEARS, BUT HE IS GOING TO TURN IT ALL AROUND AND YOU ARE FAVORED AND ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL HAVE THE LAST LAUGH SWEETIE."

It didn’t stop there; a good friend called and reminded me of a scripture that GOD gave me at the most critical time. Years ago GOD used a former boss who hated me to give this scripture to me.

7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 8…

WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE IF IT COULD SAVE A YOUNG GIRL’S/YOUNG MAN’S LIFE? MY OPEN LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER

Dear Court (Courtney):
Where should I start? There’s so much I want to say to you. First let me say that I’m really proud of the woman you are. You’re not my baby, but you’ll always be my baby. Okay so out of 23 years we’ve only had a few disagreements. They were BIG, but only a few. Remember that time we had that argument about Kurtis and you call yourself telling on me? You called Daddy remember? Didn’t you get a surprise? You’ve got to respect the fact that although Daddy lives in Kansas City and we live in Chicago he has never disrespected my decisions or questioned my authority when it came to you. I love him for that.

I had the guiltiest feeling when I decided to divorce Daddy. I felt that I was doing you a disservice. About to turn 5; in all your wisdom telling me how this was for the better, and that you felt better and so should I. I didn’t realize until we were out of the situation; how much pressure you were under. Constantly checking on me and asking if I was okay. Y…

DID I GET HEALED ON THE INTERNET?! ONLY GOD AND ME KNOW

I was contemplating my topic and I received confirmation this morning. I was going to post a particular song and GOD took me a different direction. I came upon Marvin Sapp’s PRAISE HIM IN ADVANCE. I love that song. Something I have to remember for myself, but what touched me was the comment under the video. This person confessed to being on the verge of suicide before they listened to the song. The lyric that stands out for me is, “Praise will confuse the enemy.” Amen to that! That’s part of the reason I wanted the gift of tongues early on. Literally, you ask GOD for a language that is your personal communication with HIM; language that you’ve never lied in, a language that you’ve never used to speak harshly to someone. I was coming home from a concert at Second Baptist when my Mother explained it to me just as my Godfather Otis had explained it to her. She said to think about GOD’S love being all around you and breathe in and out. I did and in that 10 minute drive I receive…

WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS, MEN ARE FROM MARS: HUH, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

My relationship skills suck! Yeah, they suck. I’ve been told I think like a man. I don’t think so. If that were true I wouldn’t be so bad at this. I have remained friends with pretty much every man I’ve been involved with. Have they tried to come back? Yes. But I’m hopeful that I learn from the experience and move on.

I’ve noticed lately that I damn near need an interpreter! I can’t decipher what it is you’re saying. Sometimes I can be downright clueless. “Oh, Courtney they were so nice. Weren’t they really nice? No Mom, they like you and they’re trying to get next to you.”

“Did you see him looking at you? Huh, I don’t think so.” This is the usual conversation between my daughter, my Mother, and me. “Do you remember so and so? You know he always had a thing for you? No he didn’t Mommy. Oh, yes he did!”

Obviously I went to public school and I’m a little slow. Here’s a thought. Tell me!!!!!!! When I’m actually brave enough to say something you act insulted or completely unin…

I WISH YOU WAS MY DADDY

On August 10, 1987 Courtney Nicole Ammons entered the world. I know babies are born every day, but this was my baby. Natural childbirth?? What the hell was I thinking? It hurt like hell!!! “It’s pressure.” Yeah Mommy, thanks a lot. She told me later she felt if she was honest I’d freak out. She was right.

“Mommy, what if I don’t know what to do with it?!” I was so serious. Here I was in a make-shift birthing room. Yeah, good idea. Terry had me laughing so hard. They had me walking around the room. Terry was quick to remind me that it was the most exercise that I’d had since the pregnancy. Okay so it was a little funny. When I talked to Mommy on the phone I was laughing so hard she thought that maybe I wasn’t in full-term labor. I was using that breathing technique. When the contractions came so quickly that was not working. I was informed that it was too late for drugs. Oh hell, what do I do?

When CoCo came out she didn’t cry, but smiled at her Father. The love affair b…

Luther Van Dross-Dance With My Father Again

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My Godfather once told me that your relationship with your Heavenly FATHER mirrors your relationship with you earthly Father. I miss my Father. He wasn't perfect, but if I asked my Daddy for something he always did his best to make it happen for his Lumpty-Lump. I don't always do what I should, but my Heavenly FATHER has never denied me.

STEVE HARVEY'S TEARFUL TESTIMONY!

WHY ARE YOU SO BITTER? Saying says: “What does not kill you makes you stronger.”

I had a great conversation with my favorite cousin today. He’s happily married and has been for a while. Career –wise he and his wife are both successful. They both work in the entertainment industry. He did have me cracking up. He was like “Vee, why is it always the woman who ain’t got nobody that wants to tell you and everybody else how to get a man? Or even how to have a relationship.”They are the same ones with all the relationship books.

Am I single? Yes. Do I have a man? No. Do I have trouble getting a man? No. Do I have trouble finding the right man for me? Yes. I saw something today about whether or not a believer could marry someone of a different faith or an unbeliever. That’s a different can of worms. Let’s go back to the topic at hand. I wasn’t going to discuss this, but earlier this week I was attacked on my Facebook page. I said in my status that “Jesus is my boyfriend.” My point was I’ve heard many women who are dedicated to the church use that phrase as i…

Chanté Moore - Bitter

AM I MARRIAGE MATERIAL? "Not trying to be someone’s wifey or girlfriend. I want to be somebody’s wife!"

I recently had a conversation with a good friend. We try to support each other whenever we can. We’re both in transition. He’s going through a divorce and after talking to him I surprised myself and realized that I want to get married again. I’ll be damned! It surprised me too. He was like, “Wow Vee!”

Wow is right. I didn’t know it myself. It sort of came out. Sometimes the GOD in you, the subconscious speaks up. When it does you need to pay attention. My Godfather once told me that you should be so in tune with the Father that His thoughts and yours are one. I know that’s scripture, but it doesn’t happen until you surrender yourself (as a friend so gently reminded me). Since my birthday and before, I’ve been giving into the surrender. I finally accepted the calling on my life. I don’t know where that’s going to take me, but I’m ready.

In July it will be 17 years since my divorce. That’s a long time. I’ve been proposed to. But I’ve not had a man in my life that I knew I…

ARE YOU WILLIING TO KISS A FROG?

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I promised myself I was going to see the animated movie, The Princess and the Frog. I'm sorry to say that I have yet to see it. A black princess. That in itself was worth seeing. We need more positive role models for our children, but I digress. Here's the synopsis as I understand it. The prince has been cut off by his family and is looking for a come up. Ha ha I used "come up" in the vernacular. I crack myself up. lol Okay so back to the story. The prince sets his sights on a young woman who has money and position. He practically makes a pact with the devil, and it's downhill from there.

Turns out he makes a pact with this voodoo magician who transforms him into a frog. The only way to break the curse is to find true love; to get a princess to kiss him while he's still a frog.

I've kissed a lot of frogs. I wish it was that easy. I am a queen and I believe every queen deserves a king. Unfortunately, there have been a lot of pretenders to the th…

TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY

I wrote out a Wish List that I posted on Facebook. Some it was funny; some of it was very sincere. Yesterday my Goddaughter contacted me on Facebook because her little brother was acting up. He had been very disrespectful to his teacher, father, and even his big sister. You see VJ was born on August the 10th just as I predicted. The same day as my daughter, Courtney Nicole. I told Denise he was my child she was just carrying him for me. I didn't know what I was really saying.

Valentine's Day was the anniversary of Denise's death. I'm so proud of Sheryl Felecia. She is her mother's child. She is the spitting image of her beautiful chocolate skinned mother. I expected her to be here. I took it for granted. She told me, "Vee you have to make sure Sheryl and VJ are taken care of."

After her walking out of the second tower on 9/11 completely unscathed; I thought she was invincible. D was 6'1, and gorgeous. Who else wears heels when they'…

RELATIONSHIPS: WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS? "WHEN FANTASY OVERTAKES REALITY."

My marriage was short-lived and destined for failure. I had set myself up. I was by all accounts; a dutiful wife and mother. Perfection was my goal. I would try to anticipate his needs before he did. The house was spotless. I worked out religiously. The body had to be right for my man. And yes fellas; I can cook. My mother and grandmother taught me very well.

All this and it didn't work. I had stopped doing the things I loved. The things that made me Veela. No more singing; no more modeling; the things that made me who I am. Don't get me wrong. I loved being a wife; but I had set the bar so high that I couldn't live up to my own expectations. Even in the end my ex-husband told me he would not find a woman who would do all the things I did for him. Part of it was my upbringing. I was raised to believe that you "cater" to your man. I have a tendency to baby and spoil the men in my life. Fixing their plate and those types of considerations; takes n…

BABYFACE-SOON AS I GET HOME

Destiny's Child Cater 2 U

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PHENOMENAL MAN (OKAY MAYA) by David Taylor

Younger Men wonder where my secret lies
I’m not hirsute or built on a weight lifting device
But when I start to tell them
They assume I’m out to dupe ‘em
I say
Its in the reach of my heart
The span of my mind
The strides that I take
The truth on my lips
Because I’m a man
Exceptionally a man like
That’s what I can.

I walk into a room
Nervous, ill at ease
And to the women
They just don’t care
It’s as if I am not there.
But when I speak
And speak from the heart
They come and sit beside me
And try to find if I just might be
The hero they’ve been seeking
Or just another deadbeat
That wants to make their heartbeat
In a lustful one night stand
Because I’m a man
Exceptionally a man like
That’s what I can.

Women sometimes wonder
What it is in me
They look but they can’t find it
The me that’s inside me
When I try to tell them
They say it’s hard to see
Well its not that I am hiding
I am plain to see
Just softly spoken, caring
I’m just the man you see!

So I have my failings
I never said I can
M…

ARE YOU SETTING A GOOD EXAMPLE?

"I want to set a standard of excellence that is so high I won't be afraid for my daughters to marry "someone like their father." - Bishop T. D. Jakes

I was on Facebook and found this quote on a new friend's wall. I quickly posted it to mine. In my status I was quick to say that I would be PROUD to have my daughter marry a man like her father. I would tell anyone that. Terry has been the best father to Courtney. We weren't able to salvage our marriage, but we love each other just the same. Our daughter represents the best of both of us. Not being funny, but even if she wasn't my child I would like and admire her.

I have to pose this question: Would you want your child to emulate the man or woman you are?

I was and have been fortunate enough to have a GOD-fearing mother who set the standard high. Although she was divorced when I was young she always gave my father the utmost respect and would not let anyone say something disparaging about him to me. T…

I Love My Black Men

I'm the one who helped raise you. I gave birth to you, but you don't want me. I cooked for you; I cleaned for you. Even when you didn't have I gave you what I had. When you needed good loving I opened my legs and gave you some good loving. I rubbed your head and told you it would be okay even when it wasn't.

When the world told you no I said, "Yes, baby. Anything for you. I believe in you."

Even when you made me cry I was still there for you. Even when I knew I was sharing you with that woman across town, I still loved you.

Yet in still; if I had my choice I would still love you. Something about the curve of your back, your swagger, that beautiful brown skin that keep me coming back. I love my black men.

Question: What is it about your black man you love?
What is it about your black woman that makes you love her?

Why Can't A Successful Black Woman Find A Man?

What Makes You Loveable?

This is a repost that a friend was kind enough to point me to.  Some things I agree with and others I don't.  It's always good to hear someone else's opinion.  Just starting the conversation....

Veela

Why women believe that we love them


Published on July 23, 2008 in Warrior of Light.
By Paulo Coelho


In this case the title of the newsletter is not right. Since in the previous Warrior of Light Online I said refused to write about the reasons why men love woman (I would be considered a male chauvinist South-American writer who despises the liberation movement of the opposite sex), a reader called Julia decided to do it for me. So now we have the feminine version of why we love women. Of course, I don’t agree with everything, but this is a (relatively) free tribune. Let’s see what Julia has to tell us:


We men love women because they still feel they are adolescents even after they grow old.

Because they smile every time they pass a child.

Because they walk down the street erect,…

Are You Willing to Settle?

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Are we that completely different? I think not. Sometimes it feels as if we're speaking different languages, but desire the same things. I love how women deal with potential relationships like a trip to the grocery store.

1. Attractive
2. Intelligent
3. Spiritual
4. Loving
I could go on with the list, but you get my point. We check these items off as we're shopping for an inanimate object, not a person. Men have items on their list too. I consider myself an equal opportunity employer. Although I've come to the realization that there are some things I'm not willing to overlook or accept. Even funnier is how men and women expect to go to the club and find their "soul mate". If you did, please let me know how that's working for you. That's what happens when you hump for a bargain.

The way you begin a relationship is the way you usually finish. Meaning: Issues you deal with in the beginning can sometimes be the very …

CAN A WOMAN RAISE A BOY TO BE A MAN?

I was having a casual conversation with a my good friend Don Spears. Don wrote a bestseller years ago called In Search of Goodpussy. In the book Don discussed his theories on black love and how history has affected our relationships. He has strong opinions. We don't always agree. Today we did.

Time and time again I hear about the shortage of eligible black men. I've constantly heard that one of the factors is homosexuality. I attribute this to single mothers raising sons on their own. Don't get me wrong; I'm a single mother too. I would never profess to know how to teach a boy to be a man. Unfortunately, a lot of us didn't grow up with a strong father-figure. Men and women don't think alike. Example: Don was telling me how his uncle didn't have a problem sharing or giving his wife money, but he never did it in front of his children. He didn't believe a woman should be in a man's pocket. If we took a poll most of us would agree that we were told by …

Welcome to Tell It To Venus

TELL IT TO VENUS
http://www.tellittovenus.com/


Tell It To Venus is the brainchild of two friends who still have hope in love and relationships. Even in the current relationship environment in which we live(an environment that appears to offer a slim chance of having a healthy relationship or any possibility of marriage), we are still encouraged. We understand how easy it is to become tired and discouraged; Tell It To Venus is here to listen. This site serves as not only as a forum, but a means in which we can connect and share valuable information, experiences, and wisdom. Our forum will not be used for any male bashing. We love men and welcome their opinions. It is important that we keep and have an open and honest dialog and respect one another's opinions and experiences. Tell It To Venus has contributing experts from a variety of fields; from nutrition to finance. We offer networking opportunities as well as excursions for professionals to connect and possibly find love. After al…